I thought I should start with a little introduction. As you can probably tell, I’m terribly new at this and have written and rewritten this about 8 times.
It all came to a head last Friday. I’d been drinking in the garden with the girls the night before, topping up their glasses to insure we all drank quickly. After the left I decided to have a couple of espresso martinis downstairs on my own. This resulted in horrific sickness before bed and in the morning. Unfortunately that morning I was due to take my baby and 7 year old step daughter (who doesn’t miss a thing), to a farm. I hated every single moment due to the uncontrollable sickness, the sweats, banging head. I was a state. This is not the mother I ever imagined I’d be. And it needs to stop
I’m 36 years old, with a baby under 1 and I’m starting to realise I might have a problem with alcohol. Well, scrap that. I’ve known for a while. I’ve competitively watched as a friend tops up our wine, hoping, just a little, that my glass have more. I suffer from social media beer fear, where I have to obsessively check each social media platform to ensure any comments written the night before, don’t reveal how sozzled I was. I’ve actively planned friendship catch ups around alcohol and broken down in front of my long suffering hubby after nights out over insignificant things.
So here I find myself on a Friday night typing into the vast internet, to take my mind off my gin cupboard, wondering if anyone’s out there. I’ve always kept a diary but I’m nervous about sharing my thoughts. But I’m hoping to find solidarity, inspiration and to hold myself accountable. To stop my life sipping away.