I know some people refer to the cravings and the voice inside their head as the “wine witch”. To me it feels like a dark swarmy cloud, pushing against my skin, with words of temptation whispering on a breeze inside my ear.
Yesterday the cloud seemed to have bursts of sunshine in. I think I might have even gone without thinking of a drink for at least a couple of hours.
Today I got up early and ran with my friend who knows my dirty secret. She’s really supportive and has helped set up a routine where we run 3x a week to get the endorphins pumping. Also for around 45 minutes it’s nice to get out of my head, focus on my breathing and not have little adorable hands constantly grabbing me.
I enjoyed the run. Its beautiful over the fields and just being out with the wind blowing in my face feels good for the soul.
Came home and it was pretty much ground hog day. Until I opened the fridge. There sat a San Miguel. Now I’ve tried to keep life as normal as possible for my husband. He fully supports my decision, but I didn’t want to change his habits. He’s one of those annoying souls who can have one beer once in a blue moon, enjoy it and that be it. Whereas I’m an all or nothing drinker person. So I dont mind him keeping a beer in the fridge for this evening.
Although I do.
Its taunting me. It has beads of perspiration on the brown glass and I know it sounds mad but I want to lick it. I feel beads of perspiration form on my subconscious. I don’t even like beer.
The swarmy cloud is back. Pushing against my skin. Telling me I deserve a drink tonight. That I’ve tried really hard as a parent, I’ve put extra work in as a step parent and I’m parenting both alone tomorrow. I can hear it whisper against my ear.
So here I am typing on this instead of fetching the bottle opener. Looking at the list on the whys. The top 3 are my beautiful baby, husband and family.
This is why.
I’ve also decided whilst I was typing this out I should arrange a date for my husband. Something we wouldn’t normally do, to nurture our relationship and still have fun. So I’ve booked 2 tickets for an outdoor evening food festival mid August. It’s over an hours drive away. Normally we wouldn’t have gone due to one of us having to drive and you know what I’m actually excited about it. I’m determined to stay sober to past the event. To a 100 days.
So have a lovely friday evening everyone, as I say cheers to you over a tonic water. I hope you all have a lovely Friday eve. We can do it.