Day 16 – Gratitude

Today I’m so grateful for water. The vast lakes of the lake district that cleanse your soul. The babbling brooks that make my beautiful baby laugh with delight. The rain splashing my face that makes me feel alive. The water that hydrates my body and is the liquid fuel for every step.

Today we did 2 hikes, one round a lake and one to a waterfall. Before BB my gorgeous hubster and I were the outdoor types. We loved weekends away hiking, wild swimming, trying gorge scrambling, canoe days and paddle boarding. Then BB came along in October and we stopped. I had a horrible birth and BB had jaundice so we were stuck in hospital for a week. I struggled with breast feeding due to her not taking to it and being premature. A dark horrible part of me was relieved I couldn’t breast feed so I could drink freely without considering feeding. It felt like I could be “me” again and not “mum” and in doing this “get back to normal”.

I hate myself for this.

It’s my worst secret, but I feel it’s an important one to share. I’ve never told anyone before.

16 days ago I made a promise to myself and BB that I would become the best mother I could be. Today, I woke up hangover free, alert and grateful. I’m in one of my favourite places in the whole world. With the people I love the most.

Today we have wandered around the lake and together we have shown BB waterfalls, cows, sheep, ducks. The list is endless. And once again I feel so alive and thankful. Hiking shorter distances, even with BB makes me feel like “us” again.

So far one of the biggest bonuses of giving up for me is the unexpected gratitude for the small things. The view from our bedroom window or us all laughing in our rain gear as the wet weather rolls in for example.

I know not every day will feel like this.

I get there’s going to be some hard points, some tests along the way. But I needed to write this down, so when they happen I can refer back to this post. I am so happy and grateful with this normal and I am content.


JS xx ps check out the view from the window

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

6 thoughts on “Day 16 – Gratitude

  1. What a lovely read, you do notice the things you have missed and taken for granted while nursing a fuzzy head or simply being intoxicated to notice….keep looking for them and new things should appear every day… I think a lot of mums will have felt that relief, a lot of mothers don’t even consider breastfeeding for that reason so don’t beat yourself up, good to get it off your chest though(no pun intended)x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. You always seem to know exactly the right thing to say, you’ve got a real knack for it. After I wrote it I had a craving but luckily stuck in a cottage in my jamas so not much I can do apart from ride it.

      How are you getting on? Another blogger mentioned a blogger… tired of thinking about drinking? Not sure if you’ve heard of her? I’ve been reading her first 100 days and it’s so scarily similar, there must be a ton of us going through it xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes it’s amazing how many people have the same struggle with this “drug” that is so easily available and accepted in our society as a way of life, I think a lot of people are switching to the sober side…but like smoking died out…🤞🤞🤞
        I’m still sober so I’ve almost made it through week 1 (again)…tempting thoughts creeping in so I will blog tomorrow as it really helps x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Looking forward to reading it. 7 days is amazing. Bet you feel so much better for it. You know how I’m obsessed with that JV book, well apparently after 10 days all the alcohol has left your body so what’s left is a psychological craving. Still bloody hard tho x


  3. So happy you are having a good sober holiday. Thank you for sharing everything – I breastfed both my kids for a long time know there were times I drank before bed and then fed them in the night when it wasn’t out of my system. I am so ashamed of that and have never shared it. I think I recommended the “Tired of thinking about drinking” blog. I started reading it ages ago and it’s so spot on. I also ordered the Jason Vale book you talked about, I especially want hubs to read it – he’s agreed to do the sober 9 months with me – he drinks a fair amount but doesn’t seem to struggle with it like I do so I want him to get the psychology and chemistry behind the booze.


    1. Thanks for sharing that. It’s really hard to be open isnt it, so I really appreciate you helping in a small way making me feel less alone ♡
      The JV book is amazing. But I feel so uncomfortable reading it, it makes my skin itch. It’s basically brain washing you to reprogram how you think about alcohol but it’s working for me. I think I need the repetitive message. That’s brilliant he’s supporting you. When are you starting

      Liked by 1 person

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