I’ve been thinking about this blog a lot, maybe in fact too much. Today in Beautiful Babies (BB) nap time, long suffering hubster decided he would quite like a nap too. So off I skipped leaving the two of them napping.
I decided to hike up to Alcock Tarn as I’ve always wanted to see the tarn but I’ve never got round to it. So I left the swarms of people in grasmere and took off up the path enjoying the shade from the trees as the path started.
I was lucky. There were hardly any walkers up here and it left me alone, just me and my thoughts. I reflected on the journey so far. How there seems to be a whole group of us struggling in the grey murky area of drinking. Where we deep down secretly know we’ve probably pushed it too far. However, we havent quite hit rock bottom.
I think we’re brave. We’ve recognised some thing isn’t working for us in our lives any more and we’re striving for change. We’re uncomfortable, unsure but also hopeful. The change may be cutting down, setting a date to stop, starting the journey, reading others blogs (which I also do a lot of).
I got to a difficult part of the path, I like to think of it as a rocky scamper. A guy with his two teenage sons was clinging to the edge. He told me he didnt like heights. I shared I really wasnt a fan of them either, however, I hoped the view would be worth it. I continued, clinging to the rocks as I scrambled up, feeling the fear in my (wine) belly. I shouted back the path got easier after the rocky scramble and I could hear his sons encourage him. Rooting for him.
I got up to the tarn and it was beautiful. There were views over Grasmere and even Rydal in the distance, which no photo I took gave justice. I took my shoes and socks off and dipped my toes in the water. Enjoying the coolness and the sense of achievement. I havent hiked independently since meeting my husband. I’ve forgotten how much I enjoyed it.
On the way down I reflected how this journey to sobriety was like the climb to the tarn. Cool, enjoyable, chilled times under the trees and then hard, white knuckled, rocky scrambles. Ultimately I hope it’s worth it when we get to the top and see our new view point. I wonder what it will look like for each of us?
I struggled yesterday after writing the post and sober singer reached out (thank you). I also read sober veg mama’s blog about her weekend away which also helped immensely. When I returned from my solo hike we decided to all walk to the lake front and give BB their first wild swim experience.
I’ve been ridiculously excited about this.
I love the open water and the feeling of the water washing over your body when you first submerge. Hubster and BB get in first and paddle on the mouth of a little river close to where we are staying. I join them, stopping to take photos of this moment.
I look down and impulsively pick up a pebble and attempt to skim it. It ripples the water and with the light shining against the water it looks beautiful.
In a moment of clarity (it’s been quite the day for it hasn’t it), I realise this is what this blog is to me. A ripple casting out to hopefully help not only myself but also others, whilst other peoples blogs ripple towards me and inspire and help.
Day 17 is finished with pizza and a tonic water after putting BB to bed. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.