Day 19- swim

I woke up today and cried. Not big screwed up face gluppy tears, but very close to getting there. I was so sad my first holiday with BB and hubby was over. I’d really enjoyed the build up and anticipation towards the holiday, then being in a lovely little cottage in grasmere and showing BB new things.

It was 6:30am, hubby had just come back from his run when he walked in and found his (hot) mess of a wife. He asked what was up and I told him, hands over my eyes to try and stop the tears from flowing.

Patiently he sat on the bed, listening not saying much. When I finished he told me to get up and go for a run. Or a wild swim. But whatever I do, I need to enjoy the last few hours of the holiday and get out of the funk.

So I found myself 15 minutes later on the little shore of Grasmere, which the cottage backs on to. The sun is peeking over the hills, the water is as still as glass. I decide to finish my cuppa down here and use the cup to balance my phone to record the swim.

And that’s what I do. I’m not in long. Maybe 10 minutes. But I feel so caught up in the moment. The sun breaks and the bluely light of the lake changes to warm tones. The water is cool on my skin and some ducks come over to investigate.

I finish my swim and take some deep breaths by the lake. I can do this.

Some how now it feels like the true test of abstaining starts now. That everything before the holiday was the prelude and the real test is keeping sober when the drudgery of normal life hits.

And I’m ready for it. At least today, I’m ready. Swim or paddle, I’m going to keep my head above water.

I rewatch the swim video this evening to remember the feeling of feeling so alive and at peace. I intend to watch it every time life or the dark swarmy cloud catches up with me. To show I don’t need alcohol to bring me serenity.

What is your go to?


JS xx

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

10 thoughts on “Day 19- swim

  1. That sounds lovely (and so does your husband)! Mine is bike rides, alone – feels so free, to escape, to be out and just see other people, get out of my own head, remember that there are so very many people, each with their problems, and I should be grateful for what I have. What is the drudgery of your normal life? What can you do to shake it up? Right now I am planning a distanced group workout class in the park that will last until it’s cold…. it is giving me a lot of hope and some purpose!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m lucky, in some ways he knows me better than I know myself. Bike rides sounds lovely, do you have lots of countryside by you?
      The drudgery is just the normal mum life, weaning a baby, juggling a step daughter, being a wife. All of these are blessings I know, but it can feel like ground hog day. I really like the sound of the work out classes, bet they’re so much fun.
      How are you? Have you started yet? Been wondering how you’ve been getting on 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha no countryside we’re in the city but I know all the back road through neighborhoods that are nice to bike on. Sorry that this is unsolicited advice, but if you are not set on weaning, I would wait until you feel more set in sobriety – it produces so much oxytocin it can leave you sad when you stop. Our official start date is Sept. 7 but I will really try to cut down in August!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It is those exact moments of deep contentment that ensure I realize just how beautiful life can be.

    They happen to me all the time now. Sobriety has cleared my mind to allow me to see them.

    Hug. Give yourself time.



      1. I have the word santosha tattooed on my wrist. Contentment.
        It is so surprising that that was what I was seeking.

        Brene brown’s book the gifts of imperfection is a must read, especially for a new mom. It’s short and helpful.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks I’ll add it to the list. Currently on Catherine Greys book on sobriety, which I can really recommend. There’s so much to read and learn, it’s so humbling but also exciting


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