Day 22 – Bye bye cake

I consider myself a stay at home mum, however, inbetween BBs nap times I offer HR consultancy to a business down south.

Today in a meeting there is a big discussion over reducing head count, the impact on cost vs delivery of service. It’s my first meeting with the Ops Director (OD) and the MD. I’m only 1 month into this role.


Normally I’d feel absolute fear. I’d drink the night before, sleep rubbish, wake up groggy, rush with BB to put them down for their nap, struggle with the IT aspect and wonder why everything is so foggy. I’d obviously blame it on the poor nights sleep and bad luck.

This is how it went down today.

I slept rubbish as the fear is still there. I have massive imposter syndrome and still can’t believe a company is paying me to advise them on workforce transformation. I wake up tired but not groggy, I set up my laptop whilst playing with BB and put BB down after reading some stories. BB sleeps.

I am ready for the meeting 5 minutes early.

I log onto the chat room and wait for the meeting to start. Tea in hand, bowl of strawberries to the side of me as I’m trying to cut down on sugar.

The meeting goes well. I haven’t got a grasp of the different businesses under the umbrella company but it’s the normal battle between operations and finance. I manage to stop myself snorting when the OD tells them matter a factly they’re attempting to get a show pony from flogging a dead nag (although I’m not a fan of the metaphor as I’m a horse fan). I add value where necessary when advising, however, for the most of it I just listen. The meeting ends after an hour and I’m back into Mummy mode.

It takes a few hours until I realise this meeting went differently. I was ready on time, tired but fresh headed. I didn’t try and over prove myself or talk too much, I just sat confidently listening whilst the debate went on. Adding when needed. It felt good. I didn’t spend the afternoon in a sea of self doubt nit picking every bit. Surely that’s not from giving up alcohol?

I weighed myself today with my nans “meaty mummy” comment still ringing in my ears. 85.9 kgs. I google my “healthy weight” for my height and its 60kg. The thought of even losing half of that seems overwhelming. I’ve definitely dived out of the glass of wine and into the bowl of sugar since giving up.

However, on this evenings walk I look back to 22 days ago. When even going a week without alcohol seemed unfathomable. And now we’re at 22 days. I wonder if I could also give up the sweet stuff too?

I’ve tried today and it’s not been too bad… how about 1 day at a time? I know losing weight, like stopping alcohol will help my heart issue. It would also hopefully enable me to run better, be a better role model for my BB.

At the end of the walk I’ve decided. Whilst health wise my priority is sobriety, I am also going to give a big push on giving up refined sugars. I’ll keep you updated when I get to my first goal of 80kg. As always any tips, advice welcome.

Have a lovely monday evening

Love

JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

23 thoughts on “Day 22 – Bye bye cake

  1. So glad your meeting went well! Yes it is because of alcohol, it is a devil that eats up our self esteem…make sure you have plenty of “good” foods to nibble on to hand…so when you do crave something you can pop that into your mouth instead…much harder if you have to prepare… I often start the day by slicing up lots of different fruits and veg in different tubs… like carrots/ apple /berries oranges/cucumber/cherry tomatoes so I can grab them when I look in the fridge…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t beat yourself up about your weight – and maybe don’t deprive yourself of the sugar this early on….. I’m hardly an advert for success but can honestly say that each time I’ve gone at least a month without booze, sugar has been one of the main reasons I was “able” to – ice cream every time for me!

    Embrace the cake! Don’t be too hard on yourself. One thing at a time : )

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m ok for the minute (literally minute!). Had an ice cream cone, gonna have a gut full of midget gems and enjoy some broken, non alcohol induced kip! Then tomorrow, maybe head back in a box of wine? I make myself no promises anymore! Well done on day 22 – I remember those days well 😃

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks, praying to get to day 100. Some days are better than others. Havent thought about midget gems in years. Used to always love strawberry laces, though. I was lucky, slept really well when I first gave up. Must be really hard if it affects your sleep x

    Liked by 1 person

      1. First go, altho I’d messed around with Dry Jan etc a couple of times.

        I want to be the best mum I can be for my baby and I know the me that drinks isnt the best mum. I had a night with the girls few weeks back and I was so so sick that night and the next day. I had to take them to a farm and I spent the day looking at places to be secretly sick. I dont want to be that person.

        Also I’d started to get uncomfortable, maybe the last 3 years or so, how much I drank (not when I was pregnant). I watched top ups to make sure I got more, was impatient when people drank slowly and was drinking more and more. I drank alone, I used to have secret shots in the kitchen when making cocktails in between rounds.
        So I decided to quit. This sounds ridiculous and feels ridiculous typing it but drink me, isnt the best me and my baby deserves the best me. As does my husband, step daughter and friends. I chose a blog for accountability on day 6. I was alone on a friday night and the gin cupboard was serenading me, so turned my attention to this. I feel better writing it down and enjoy reading other blogs. It seems to really help.
        Sorry that was an essay. Your turn x

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sorry – I’ve read all that on your blog so shouldn’t have needed to ask again! Dry Jan was always my “thing” – I used to be so damn proud of myself by being able to knock it on the head for 31 days, I would “celebrate” by drinking at 00:01 on feb 1st! LUDICROUS! I initially started a blog to get healthy as we want to try and conceive. 4 years on, I’m a slightly healthier weight and smoke less but the booze remains an issue. In the intervening 4 years we went through a crown court trial, subsequent imprisonment of my abuser and then I lost my mum at age 53, her husband then threw himself off a motorway bridge 7 months later and then my dad died a few months after that. I’m ashamed to say I used every excuse in the book to continue drinking. Grief/stress/boredom, you name it. The longest I made was 67 days and I felt pretty good (apart from bored – but you’re unlikely to have that with a little one!). I can still remember the day I drank and the (non) reasons I started again. Had I not caved during that 100 day attempt I’m pretty sure I’d be in a different place now. But we are where we are! Sorry for the depressing read – but I guess nobody tried to give up boozing cos anything good happened! (Usually anyway) x

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Typing “I’m so sorry to hear all what’s happen” feels completely inadequate, but for what it’s worth, I really am. What a hard 4 years to survive, I think its completely understandable to cave and I think you’re really brave and resilient to start at day 1. It shows what a strong person you are (although you probably already know this). ♡ ♡

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Loved this post and I will read more of your blog. Sorry I haven’t picked up on it before. You are doing brilliantly. Support in the blogging community is fab and really really helps. Read and comment and you’ll get loads of feedback, help and just meet some lovely people. Claire x

    Liked by 2 people

  6. As others said, be easy on yourself, don’t try to give up too much too soon. That said my tricks for not eating too much sugar are: Don’t keep it in the house. Dried fruits like prunes, dates, apricots are good substitutes – sugar, yes but not refined. Make sure I am full otherwise, because I have a tendency to generally try and limit my food intake when I’m “trying to be healthy”…. so, lots of protein and fats to feel full. Also – kombucha! So great!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. lol I’m a raw sauerkraut addict, I have four types in my fridge right now. I have also taken a raw probiotic for years and swear it helps to cut down on common cold / sore throat types of illnesses.

        Like

      2. Happy to help! I have made the sauerkraut a long time ago, but now just buy it. I should try homemade again. Probiotics I take Garden of Life Raw. There’s a whole story behind it but no time now! I also use their protein powder =)

        Like

  7. Honestly, I would forget it.
    Quitting drinking is a big change. Many (all) people look for alternatives to self soothe and treats fit the bill.
    This is ok. Part of sobriety is realizing that we don’t have to always be hard on ourselves.

    There’s lots of time to change your relationship with food once you have some good sober time. Life is long!

    Stillness and peace
    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

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