I consider myself a stay at home mum, however, inbetween BBs nap times I offer HR consultancy to a business down south.
Today in a meeting there is a big discussion over reducing head count, the impact on cost vs delivery of service. It’s my first meeting with the Ops Director (OD) and the MD. I’m only 1 month into this role.
Normally I’d feel absolute fear. I’d drink the night before, sleep rubbish, wake up groggy, rush with BB to put them down for their nap, struggle with the IT aspect and wonder why everything is so foggy. I’d obviously blame it on the poor nights sleep and bad luck.
This is how it went down today.
I slept rubbish as the fear is still there. I have massive imposter syndrome and still can’t believe a company is paying me to advise them on workforce transformation. I wake up tired but not groggy, I set up my laptop whilst playing with BB and put BB down after reading some stories. BB sleeps.
I am ready for the meeting 5 minutes early.
I log onto the chat room and wait for the meeting to start. Tea in hand, bowl of strawberries to the side of me as I’m trying to cut down on sugar.
The meeting goes well. I haven’t got a grasp of the different businesses under the umbrella company but it’s the normal battle between operations and finance. I manage to stop myself snorting when the OD tells them matter a factly they’re attempting to get a show pony from flogging a dead nag (although I’m not a fan of the metaphor as I’m a horse fan). I add value where necessary when advising, however, for the most of it I just listen. The meeting ends after an hour and I’m back into Mummy mode.
It takes a few hours until I realise this meeting went differently. I was ready on time, tired but fresh headed. I didn’t try and over prove myself or talk too much, I just sat confidently listening whilst the debate went on. Adding when needed. It felt good. I didn’t spend the afternoon in a sea of self doubt nit picking every bit. Surely that’s not from giving up alcohol?
I weighed myself today with my nans “meaty mummy” comment still ringing in my ears. 85.9 kgs. I google my “healthy weight” for my height and its 60kg. The thought of even losing half of that seems overwhelming. I’ve definitely dived out of the glass of wine and into the bowl of sugar since giving up.
However, on this evenings walk I look back to 22 days ago. When even going a week without alcohol seemed unfathomable. And now we’re at 22 days. I wonder if I could also give up the sweet stuff too?
I’ve tried today and it’s not been too bad… how about 1 day at a time? I know losing weight, like stopping alcohol will help my heart issue. It would also hopefully enable me to run better, be a better role model for my BB.
At the end of the walk I’ve decided. Whilst health wise my priority is sobriety, I am also going to give a big push on giving up refined sugars. I’ll keep you updated when I get to my first goal of 80kg. As always any tips, advice welcome.
Have a lovely monday evening