Today BB and I had a play date with their little pal Alfie and his lovely mum. I’ve really struggled with bonding with other mums, especially due to Covid. I always feel not good enough as a mother, but I think this has a lot to do with my guilt around drinking and lack of general self confidence. All the mums in my NCT group breast fed and didnt appear to miss alcohol. At the time I was amazed and marked them as “different people”, when in fact it was me that was probably different.
Any how, I slept in until 7am, showered, fed BB and on their first nap time made a fruit selection for both babies with some sweet potato bites. Suddenly I was on a roll and made BBs breakfast (pear porridge) and lunch (sweet potato veg loaded mash) for the next day. I felt really proud of myself and when the other mum complimented me on the lunch I felt my heart swell.
She mentioned she liked hiking last time we met, so I asked tentatively whether she fancied a hike one weekend or evening. She said she would love one, but could we start off easy as she felt I was fitter than her. As if.
It felt good nurturing the startings of a potential friendship and it not be “let’s go out for some drinks”. Good but weird good. I keep reminding myself as children we never needed alcohol for a play date or to make friends. We were always happy with some jelly at a party and a party bag, not an espresso martini. Some how it got lost along the way.
I have a drinking friend who’s affectionately known in our girls group as Irish (guess the nationality – we’re not an inventive group). She’s great and has really been there for me and had my back for the last few years. I consider her one of my really good friends.
Now I have 2 friends who before 23 days, I’d have big benders with. She’s one of them. She is also the one that’s most local and in my mind due to this fact the most dangerous for me to be around as sad as that sounds. I associate the majority of our friendship with alcohol.
In fact day 4 of being in hospital after giving birth she was the friend who sneaked a mini bottle of champers in and we shut the curtains and giggled like naughty school girls whilst drinking it. I promised I’d do the same for her when she became a mum.
Last night she text asking whether I fancied a glass of wine Friday eve when BB was in bed. I’d previously told the girls my husband and step daughter were away camping this weekend. I replied saying it would be lovely to see her, but I was doing 100 days sobriety, she was still welcome to a glass or two. For some reason I was nervous to press send. In fact I very nearly didn’t.
She replied “seriously” and when I replied “yep”, she replied “you absolute nutter!!! I’m tired I’ll text you tomorrow”. I haven’t heard from her yet. It’s sort of knocked my confidence a little bit.
What makes me sad is she’s the friend I’ve been scared to tell the most and her reaction is what I expected. I wonder whether I’ll see her friday or at the end of 100 days? I think she maybe disappointed at the end of 100 days as well.
How have people in your lives taken the news so far? Has anyone surprised you for better or worse? I’ve managed to sneak a run in and feel rather zen about it now