Day 23 – Play dates

Today BB and I had a play date with their little pal Alfie and his lovely mum. I’ve really struggled with bonding with other mums, especially due to Covid. I always feel not good enough as a mother, but I think this has a lot to do with my guilt around drinking and lack of general self confidence. All the mums in my NCT group breast fed and didnt appear to miss alcohol. At the time I was amazed and marked them as “different people”, when in fact it was me that was probably different.

Any how, I slept in until 7am, showered, fed BB and on their first nap time made a fruit selection for both babies with some sweet potato bites. Suddenly I was on a roll and made BBs breakfast (pear porridge) and lunch (sweet potato veg loaded mash) for the next day. I felt really proud of myself and when the other mum complimented me on the lunch I felt my heart swell.

She mentioned she liked hiking last time we met, so I asked tentatively whether she fancied a hike one weekend or evening. She said she would love one, but could we start off easy as she felt I was fitter than her. As if.

It felt good nurturing the startings of a potential friendship and it not be “let’s go out for some drinks”. Good but weird good. I keep reminding myself as children we never needed alcohol for a play date or to make friends. We were always happy with some jelly at a party and a party bag, not an espresso martini. Some how it got lost along the way.

I have a drinking friend who’s affectionately known in our girls group as Irish (guess the nationality – we’re not an inventive group). She’s great and has really been there for me and had my back for the last few years. I consider her one of my really good friends.

Now I have 2 friends who before 23 days, I’d have big benders with. She’s one of them. She is also the one that’s most local and in my mind due to this fact the most dangerous for me to be around as sad as that sounds. I associate the majority of our friendship with alcohol.

In fact day 4 of being in hospital after giving birth she was the friend who sneaked a mini bottle of champers in and we shut the curtains and giggled like naughty school girls whilst drinking it. I promised I’d do the same for her when she became a mum.

Last night she text asking whether I fancied a glass of wine Friday eve when BB was in bed. I’d previously told the girls my husband and step daughter were away camping this weekend. I replied saying it would be lovely to see her, but I was doing 100 days sobriety, she was still welcome to a glass or two. For some reason I was nervous to press send. In fact I very nearly didn’t.

She replied “seriously” and when I replied “yep”, she replied “you absolute nutter!!! I’m tired I’ll text you tomorrow”. I haven’t heard from her yet. It’s sort of knocked my confidence a little bit.

What makes me sad is she’s the friend I’ve been scared to tell the most and her reaction is what I expected. I wonder whether I’ll see her friday or at the end of 100 days? I think she maybe disappointed at the end of 100 days as well.

How have people in your lives taken the news so far? Has anyone surprised you for better or worse? I’ve managed to sneak a run in and feel rather zen about it now

Love

JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

16 thoughts on “Day 23 – Play dates

  1. I have a similar friend but she is always supportive but it just doesn’t feel the same being there with a cup of tea while she drinks…it’s sad as I love spending time with her…you are doing so well, keep your chin up x

    Like

  2. I am trying to think back at what I was like with a 9 month old. (My oldest is 9 1/2 years now). I felt constantly frazzled, like I never quite knew what I was doing. Which is to expect, everything changes so fast especially in the first year, you get in one routine and then baby is doing something new. But probably didn’t help I was hungover a good portion of the time. I was eager to keep my partying lifestyle at least a little, in addition being a mom. And her Dad and I didn’t have the healthiest relationship as a couple regarding alcohol…. but oh my this could be discussed for hours.
    Anyhow, I eventually found my “mom tribe” and one of the things encouraging me in my sobriety is thinking about all the fun hours, days, years, I have spent with my friends at the park during the day, alcohol the last thing on our minds. As I have gotten older, I also have more friends who abstain for one reason or another, no friends left like the one you describe.
    I hope you go to sleep sober and happy that you are doing the right thing, and you are doing a great job. I only wish I had laid off the booze when my babes were as young as yours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much. I think once I’ve found a mum tribe the days will go faster. I’ve got some really lovely lovely friends but they’re all childless, apart from my best friend who lives far away as her husbands in the army. Going to bed sober… but maybe with some gingerbread 😂🤦‍♀️
      Thanks for the inspiration and looking out for me. I feel v lucky to have come across a sober tribe x♡

      Like

  3. Being sober changes lots of relationships … I think it’s better to know that from the beginning and be prepared. I have found that there are some that really support me and it’s not an issue at all. I’m fact I realised they actually don’t drink as much as I thought they did … it was me pushing the drink thing. Others have fallen by the wayside, not really interested now. But that’s ok. I honestly don’t mind anymore. I have streamlined my friendships over the past 8 months and I’m very happy with that. Remember your sobriety can shine a light on others drinking habits. People don’t always like what the light shows. That’s not your fault so don’t let it make you feel guilty in any way. X

    Like

    1. Thanks, I think theres a lot of truth about shining a light on others drinking habits. At a mums meet in January one mum said she was going sober for a year and inwardly I was horrified and marked her as not my sort of person. Which is horrible of me and almost like alcohol was picking my friendships not me 😂
      And now look. It’s nice to hear it’s happened to us all and the friendships we’re left with are better quality and more real. Hows the sugar been today? I’ve failed miserably and eaten gingerbread x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was exactly the same. I was guilty of calling people who didn’t drink alcohol boring and that I didn’t trust them! How terrible is that?

        Sugar intake rubbish today as I had a day out with a friend and went wild. Keto starts Saturday though so I best get serious …

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Good luck for Saturday. I’m really interested to see how you get on and have everything crossed for you. Going wild sounds amazing. I’m thinking profiteroles with chocolate sauce 🤤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Most of my friends were drinkers. It became very clear once I started my year sober. They mostly laughed and didn’t think I would do it. After all…we had trips to vegas and talks of Sonoma valley and the opimium society…

    But I did do it and many of them fell away. Some I didn’t even like sober. I wonder just how obnoxious I was…

    Instead I have made new, lovely friends, who know me. The real me. Some are also sober, some moms, some work friends, some divorced. All love me and I them.

    It is so freeing to live without worrying about how others view me. It is a gift of sobriety and,I think, age. Lol

    Just be you. You are worth it.

    Anne

    Like

    1. Thank you Anne, what a lovely thing to say. I’m excited to see what sobriety brings and the people I meet along the way. I’m already really grateful for this little community

      Like

  5. Hi! I love your blog. I’m catching up now. You are a very engaging writer. And you are doing so great. Anyway- I just wanted to say that, when I did 100 days, I was really worried that one of my good drinking buddy friends would be alienated by it. She had always seemed very disappointed when I had done sober times in the past. This time, I deliberately invited her to an afternoon movie. She had a beer, but I didn’t feel pressured to because we were not in a bar. Then, she started inviting me to movies, not bars, and it all became very normal for us- a new normal. I was pleased to discover that she was a real (not just drinking) friend after all. Perhaps something like that would work for you.

    Like

    1. Thanks so much for taking the time to read, once BB is in bed this evening I’m going to read yours. And thanks for the idea, I didn’t think of movies. I’ve found brunch works quite well too as I really enjoy an oj with soda water

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: