Day 32 – The lump

I’m reading the Sober diaries I’ve just got to the bit where the author discovers she has breast cancer. This has struck a cord due to the fact I’m currently sitting in a waiting room at a hospital writing this post waiting for my own lump to be checked out. It’s feels sort of spooky that it’s so similar.

The lump was one of the many reasons why I decided to give up alcohol. When I found the lump 8 weeks ago, I went google mad and was shocked at the higher rates of breast cancer in drinkers. A positive though is like the author Claire, I also enjoyed ticking the no alcohol option (I’ve even taken a photo).

I also believe, like the awesome Claire (she might be topping the god that is Jason) that I’ve made myself invisible. Ive been progressively unhappy with my weight and I now cover up with baggy clothes. I used to be bright and blonde, but havent had hair done since January (however this is about to change). To add insult to injury my once brown roots are now striped with grey like a zebra.

I havent gone clothes shopping in over a year (wedding dress doesnt count). I also wear black or shapeless dresses and always have a glide stick to combat chub rub. When looking a photo my friend of mine took last night, I don’t recognise myself. Who is the jowly woman smiling at the camera?!

I used to love running and have developed an appreciation for yoga, although haven’t done much in the last month or so. So whilst I’ve sat here waiting, I’ve scrolled through facebook and I’ve come across a company that offer open water swimming in a stately home lake.

And impulsively I’ve signed up! I’m on the waiting list for this Sunday and I’m definitely booked in for the following Sunday at 7am. I’m so thrilled and excited, it takes my mind off what I’m waiting for.

Hope you’re all ok today whatever you’re doing? It feels good writing today, taking my mind off the lump and finding an activity to bring back the zest.

Love

JS x

Ps the meal was amazing and I tried a lovely refreshing mocktail. It was delicious.



Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

20 thoughts on “Day 32 – The lump

  1. Thanks, I literally got called just after I pressed send. Had the scan etc and they think it’s all fine. What’s mad is now I know it’s ok, my head straight away thought, right you don’t have cancer go and have a drink?!
    How are you? I keep checking your blog for any updates.

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  2. Oh my goodness so scary! What did you find out at the doc?
    I hear you on the pictures – over the last couple years I’ll see one of myself and think omg when did I start looking old?! If I don’t make an effort to hold my head out at the proper angle I have saggy skin under my chin. Ugh, all part of aging I suppose. Better to book some exercise classes than spend time agonizing over the photos….

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    1. Haha as I frantically google neck exercise classes 😂. I hate the hashtag face to face fridays on Instagram as well. Like I dont need to see the difference or time hop.
      Dr said the scans showed it was nothing to worry about, it’s so scary when you find something wrong isnt it.

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      1. Whew. You need to have it removed though? One of my greatest drinking fears is that I’ve damaged my body beyond repair or given myself cancer… it makes me feel so scared and guilty it’s enough to want to drink again…. so irrational!!

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      2. See I was like “oh great I don’t have cancer, pass me the gin”. So far refrained. 😂
        Thankfully they think it will just go by itself, it’s not massive. How you doing today? You feeling more calm? When does the hubby move out?

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      3. No gin! Didn’t you dump it anyway?! Hubs is here until Sunday, I am ok but still don’t like it. Trying to make plans for my b-day this weekend that don’t involve drinking ayyyyyy :-/

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      4. I’ve given the closed bottles away and stupidly kept the open bottles for guests. I bet, it’s not nice to deal with.
        Happy birthday for this weekend. I’m not sure what covid is like in your area but could you do a nice brunch? Or if you live close to some countryside a hike and a picnic? I’m sure you’ll have fun whatever you chose to do

        Liked by 1 person

  3. So relieved it was ok. Stressful situation waiting like that. Yep drinking does not help and definitely contributes. Open water swimming sounds fab. I’m loving yoga too!

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  4. Relieved for you and your lump! Yes, it’s uncanny at times how things line up- like sitting in the waiting room and reading that specific part in Sober diaries. Great job recognizing the brain trying to trip you into celebrating with a drink!! Sneaky little mother, this disease is.💜

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