Day 44 – Big Snotty Tears

Big Snotty Tears, yep.

I don’t know why but I’m having a really down day. I’m not sure if it’s the weather pounding the house with rain and the wind wailing like a lost child. Or the fact my SDs room is a tip and I know at some point I’ve got to wander into it’s murky depths and clean it (I’m being dramatic it’s not even that bad).
The final straw was when after cleaning the kitchen down in BBs first nap, I decided to make myself a smoothie for lunch. I get the coconut yoghurt out of the fridge and splat. It goes up the walls, drawers, into crevices and over the freshly mopped floor. I sit on the floor and big, sloppy, snotty sobs come out.

After about 5 minutes of sitting on the floor feeling sorry for myself, I give myself an internal shake and start to clean up the mess. I’m now sat on the sofa with a cuppa, bemused and a little uncertain by the reaction. I’ve read about PAWS but in my head I thought it would feel like a soul crushing low, not like an angsty tearful teenager. What’s everyone elses experiences with PAWS? Can it feel like this?

Happy windy Tuesday

Love

JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

12 thoughts on “Day 44 – Big Snotty Tears

  1. I don’t know about PAWS. I also read about it, but I’m not sure if I have experienced it. Sometimes, I just feel sad and overwhelmed without knowing why. Maybe it will come you later. I hope you give yourself an extra treat, a big hug, and know that it will pass. Hugs!!! 🤗

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  2. I’m not near the PAWS phase yet, but I’ve always had some angsty teenager in me so I understand. I also understand (very much!) losing my shit due to ONE MORE GODDAMN MESS. It will pass. Alcohol will not help. I think you know that and are strong, but maybe it helps to hear. p.s. Can you have hubs take the responsibility of teaching SD how to clean her room? Lol didn’t I just tell you about this a couple weeks ago? Mine is such a slob but I hate to be the one to nag her to clean up.

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    1. Haha I’m so should’ve called this post one more goddamn mess…. or after myself… hot mess (unfortunately due to crying not actual hotness 😂). That’s actually inspired. I’m turning it into an activity for them both the next weekend she’s here.

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  3. If it’s PAWS then I have it in spades 😂. In the first few months of sobriety I felt amazing, full of energy and like nothing could stop me and the suddenly I’d have a shit day. The tiniest thing would send me over the edge. It made me seriously doubt my decision to give up booze. I kept going though and now I realise that no matter how bad I feel, alcohol will just make that a hundred time’s worse. That feeling of total overwhelm can throw you but it does pass and we realise we are just tired and over emotional! In my early posts I think I actually referred to it as ‘tantrums’. Snotty tears and a good cry actually do you the world of good I find. Xxx

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      1. Floods and lots of ‘close’ moments but it’s been another good day. I am better. If I feel I’m spiralling down I try to distract myself and focus on something good about what’s happening at that moment. It’s working for now.

        Yep, tantrums are a part of stress and giving up alcohol is stressful and exhausting at times. Make sure you allow yourself a break and some time for you. I used to run a bubble bath, have a cuppa and light some candles. I found it calmed the feelings. Xx

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      2. I seriously think most things are better with a cuppa. Last night I had a calming bed time tea with a crappy chick flick and I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. Hope you’re feeling a bit better this morning xx

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