Day 60 – Alcohol, the abusive partner

Today BB woke up in a grumpy mood. Possibly getting over a little bug they’ve had or teething or probably both.

I had 3 hours to entertain them inbetween nap times and after playing with all their toys, lunch and an outfit change after a little accident we still had 2 hours to go. I really had to wrack my brains for the next activity.

All our friends and BBs little friends were busy. It was a grey day and we have done the park to death. So I try to think of a creative sensory activity for them.

I come up with an aquatics shop just outside the city centre and off we go. It’s free to get in and has lots of dark rooms with fish that glow in the dark and fluorescent lights. It also has lots of outdoor water features which BB loved the most.

And you know what, I’m so proud of myself for thinking if it and for actually going. I think alcohol made me really lazy and with a hangover I would’ve just sat in stupor next to BB not engaging today. Instead we both got out, they saw fish for the first time and then napped really well. It also got us both out of our grouch.

It makes me think, I feel like (for me at least) giving up alcohol is like breaking up with an abusive partner. It’s one that brings me down emotionally, financially and mentally controls me, strips me of my confidence and self worth, deprives me of quality time with my loved ones.

I feel thats when you escape its power for maybe a day, a week, a month… it’s like a manipulative psychopath, whispering seductively into your ear and before you know it, you only remember the good times. The ones with the rosy glow. Not the hangovers, the embarrassment when you’ve been an idiot under the influence, the sick, lost property, lost self respect.

I feel when I gave up it was like a sliding doors moment and my path forked (or f*cked) off in a different direction. Just even in this little activity today I can feel that. It’s one I need to remember when the whisper comes to seduce me again.

Love

Js xx

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

6 thoughts on “Day 60 – Alcohol, the abusive partner

  1. This is extremely insightful. It is exactly like that.
    Familiarity and fear of things being different cause us to cling to what we know.
    In hindsight it’s so silly.

    I love fish stores! Those kinds of outings are the best! Free and still fun!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have also had the thought about alcohol being like a bad relationship (and thank goodness one you’re leaving). Always try to focus on the benefits sobriety brings because you are right…the other one will come back, whispering. 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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