Day 61 – Afternoon Tea

Today I went for afternoon tea. But not any old afternoon tea, oh no, afternoon tea with my husbands ex wife. (Yes you read it right).

To celebrate my step daughter donating her hair for charity, her mum booked this as a lovely surprise for her to say well done. Then kindly invited me to it.

Beforehand I was incredibly nervous. Like how weird is it to go for afternoon tea with your husbands ex? Every fiber of my body was telling me very. The only reason telling me to do it was for my SD, to show a united front and build relationships. Show that mummy and I got on.

I surprised her in the car park and her face was worth the 500 outfit changes and extra 10 minutes of make up. I was greeted with a big hug from my SD and her mum gave me a big smile too.

We went through into the hotel and the afternoon tea was incredible. My SD behaviour unfortunately wasn’t so incredible, but it was reassuring to see that she used the same behaviour she uses on me, on her mum too. It was also interesting to see her response which was to ignore it as it escalated and escalated. It ended in my SD running round the (empty) restaurant bare foot and I kid you not eating with her foot on the table and her pants on show. I bit my tongue as she was on her mums watch, but when she pretended to be a dog under the table and started licking my legs I told her it was a good thing her daddy wasn’t here in a light hearted way and she stopped.

The ex obviously looked super slim and stylish and was lovely an pleasant to me. She opened up about why the marriage in her eyes broke down (his mother, who is to be honest absolutely vile) and why she had the affair.

I left feeling like I had been in some sort of twilight zone. Where had the last 90 minutes gone. What the hell had happened to me. It’s weird because I actually quite like his ex. I don’t entirely trust her, I feel like I maybe being used as a pawn in a higher level game. But I’m glad I went and it was nice to connect with her.

My poor hubby is completely suspicious of every move she makes which I completely understand. I think if you’ve been burned by someone you loved so much you will always be ultra cautious. I know shes wriggled out of financial and childcare stuff (attempting to get out of both at times) in the past so I think he’s right to.

So this is my blended family. I’m so pleased I’ve given up, normally faced with something/one over whelming I’d have had a few drinks before hand to settle my nerves. It felt good to go in with a clear head. It felt even better to go and treat myself (well BB) to a new dress for her birthday.

love

JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

12 thoughts on “Day 61 – Afternoon Tea

  1. Interesting. I’m glad you are able to get along with the ex. I certainly hope she doesn’t have any ulterior motives. It seems like she may see you as an ally since you mother her daughter more than half the time. Really could be a totally different animal with her, and I’m so glad she is friendly. Makes everything so much easier and more pleasant over the long run. 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My only advice is don’t believe anything she says and next time tell her you won’t discuss your husband with her. I’m not sure it’s even wise to have any interaction with her.
    Cheaters lie. That’s how they live with themselves. They make the story about how hard done by they were.

    Sorry to rant. My cheating ex is to blame.

    Anyway, I expect SD also felt weird and did what little kids do when distressed. Act out.

    No one needs a unified front. SD has two households that will never be one. I expect your husband doesn’t want anything to do with her that isn’t absolutely necessary.

    Hug.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’d take the middle ground – it does help children to know the adults in their life can get on but agree with Anne that discussing your husband should be off limits – keep the relationship to co-parenting as she may be trying to triangulate herself into your relationship, also that SD was acting out difficult feelings – ask SD how she found it – I think your comment to her was a great way to manage it, sounds like she has to manage completely different boundaries with mum compared to you and dad and at her age that is hard. Her mum may be secretly jealous of your relationship with her too – if SD continues to act out with you and dad then he needs to talk to mum about having similar boundaries – Penelope leach wrote a book about kids and divorce which may be useful xxx

    Like

    1. I’ll look it up thank you. And thanks for your comments. I agree re the triangulation aspect as she’s slowly contacting more and more. I was going to talk with SD on how she found it and why she behaved like that to see what she said xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Some great comments on here already so I won’t add much, just a suggestion of caution. Be guided by your husband’s feelings on this as your loyalty is to him and him alone. I think it’s important that your SD sees she can’t play you off against each other and that you can interact as adults but her discussing your husband and the relationship breakdown with you is overstepping. It sounds like you are all over it though and keep communicating with hubby, ensuring he knows you are 100% on his side. You are managing a tricky and complex situation so well … and doing it sober. Go you xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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