Day 75 – “Are you pregnant?”

Today I had my pre op checks and was gutted when they didn’t even ask me whether I drink or how much. Like seriously gutted. The hospital was empty and I actually felt safer there than I did when popping to the supermarket.

My lovely Canadian friend is moving back to Canada mid October, but I’m isolating from Wednesday for the op on 7th. We’ve arranged a meeting for a coffee Monday.

She asked if I’d go for a drinking session with her and I explained to her I couldn’t because of the 100 days and isolation etc. She asked whether I was pregnant.

I was completely taken back by her texting this. I dont know why, but it felt so deeply personal and quite simply no body elses business. I was even more upset/hurt that it was text and not asked. And that it was just presumed I was pregnant because I wasn’t drinking.

My friend, I’ve told the reasons why I’ve stopped drinking and she works for an addiction charity. She knows I’ve struggled with alcohol a while. She also knows I suffered miscarriages before I had BB and really struggled with the loss.

As I’m thinking all this, trying to reason and look for the best of it with my friend (like maybe she’s excited and hopeful I am). I also feel like a hypocrite as I fobbed in a restaurant and said I was pregnant to get out of drinking.

Maybe I’m over reacting. In fact I know I probably am, but after experiencing the losses and explaining the 100 days I felt wounded. I also would secretly love another baby, but with all the health issues pregnancy caused and other reasons (money, house size etc). I’ve hidden it and replied explaining the 100 days again.

I already feel so much better for writing this down maybe I needed to just vent. At the time I just wanted to binge on chocolate and wine.

Thanks for reading (without judgement). I really appreciate it


JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

13 thoughts on “Day 75 – “Are you pregnant?”

  1. Sometimes people just don’t think before they speak (or text in some cases) and something that falls easily off their tongue can have other connotations and connections with the listener they had never thought of or intended… well done for writing here instead of a physical reaction of putting something toxic in your body that it doesn’t need x


  2. This isn’t the first I’ve heard of someone asking a woman if they were pregnant just because they turned down a drink… It’s kind of unfortunate. The same rings true when a woman isn’t feeling very well. A couple years ago, quite a few of my friends ended up with the flu and each and every one of them had to make **Announcement** posts stating that they weren’t in fact pregnant. 🤦‍♀️ Glad you’re feeling a bit better about the situation! Have a wonderful weekend. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Never any judgement and it really helps to write things down. Even I was asked by a few people (some of them colleagues at work who I don’t know that well) if I was pregnant and I’m 48! 😂
    I’m really sorry to hear about your miscarriages. That must have been so difficult for you and I know not being able to have more (or any children) can be such a desperately sad feeling. I’m sure your friend didn’t intend to be uncaring or thoughtless. I guess we can all cock up sometimes! Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hug. I’m sorry that hurt. I miscarried between my children and it was very painful. I still think of that baby I never had.

    People can truly text the most offhanded things without thinking.

    People asked me if I was pregnant when I quit too. It’s a sad sign of the times that that would be the only reason not to drink.

    You are doing a beautiful thing for yourself. Don’t forget to pay yourself on the back.


    Liked by 1 person

  5. Even the nicest people can say the dumbest thing. I’d love to come up with a one-line zinger for the people who mindlessly ask about other people’s reproductive lives but have never landed on anything I know I could deliver straight faced. I imagine saying things like “as long as we’re asking nosy questions about things that are none of our business, do you and your partner use condoms? Or the pull-out method? Just curious.” In my dreams…

    Also, hugs and thank you for sharing about the miscarriages. I imagine that’s a pain that is with you all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

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