Day 85 -Bittersweet

Day 85 –

I think one of the interesting and slightly bittersweet areas of sobriety is finding out who your friends are.

I blogged previously about telling one of my binge drinking buddies about my sobriety. I wasn’t sure whether she’d still come over for a cuppa when we were due to meet. I was delighted when she did.

Since then she has declined every invitation to go out for dinner (I’ve asked 3 or so times) citing the virus as an excuse. I completely get the virus as a reason and have never pushed it, respecting her boundaries. Which is why I was upset when speaking to a mutual friend that she was out drinking the last 2 weekends in bars. Especially one which is tiny with no hope of social distancing.

Over the weeks when we’ve chatted over whatsap she hasnt mentioned this.

This Friday, I’ve pushed my hubster to go out for a curry as he’s isolated with me and has literally been a saint.

Unfortunately I can’t lift BB for a week after my operation so I’d arranged for this friend to come over for a girls night in. I thought it would be a nice way to spend time together and it would count as child care under the covid rules.

Today she has text to cancel stating she’s too concerned about the virus. That she wants to travel to Ireland to stay with some family the end of October so is trying to limit as much contact as possible. I’m so disappointed. This sounds horrible I know deep down if there was fizz on offer she’d be there.

Part of me wants to call her out on it. I’ve already queried whether staying in another house when a resident of a lock down area is against the law (never mind travelling to Ireland which is on the brink of a full scale lock down). But part of me is like meh, I get to some I’m not “as fun” to some people and I’m comfortable with that. Maybe this is the measure of our friendship or we’re on different levels. As I know water always finds its level.

What’s your thoughts?

Love

JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

22 thoughts on “Day 85 -Bittersweet

  1. If your friends are not ok with your sobriety you should make some sober friends! I’ve not found this a problem as it’s ages since I’ve been out drinking anyway, but I’ve met some great sober buddies in recovery: good luck with your journey!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Have you been to AA? It’s such a supportive community made up of people from all walks of life. You might find some there. If you’re not religious, don’t be put off as there are atheists there too.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I haven’t. I haven’t felt I needed to, but it’s actually a really good idea. There’s actually a sober group in my local area, I’ve just googled. Thanks for this, I needed the uplift ♡♡

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  3. Oh I’m so sorry your friend is doing that. That stinks! I think making some sober friends would be amazing. Here, i was just trying to find sober groups to join when the pandemic hit. Looking forward to it when it feels safe again, though! xo

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  4. Hmmm I don’t think you should call her out on it. Don’t think it would do any good or clear things up any. This is one of those situations where you have a pretty good guess about what’s going on, but there are a lot of factors including the virus. Either way, it’s not about you, it’s about her. I’d say something like I am disappointed but would like to see her soon, leaving the ball in her court to make plans then. And then put your energy into other relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not sure. I’m normally straight down the line as I hate things being unsaid. But I’m thinking of leaving the ball in her court, sometimes you grow out of friendships and going on benders was the main thing we had in common

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  5. I used to raise things openly with friends and prided myself doing that but actually I have learnt that some things are best left alone. I have exactly this situation with a friend of mine … it isn’t just related to my not drinking but part of it. I did address it and it became an argument. We are ok now but I don’t push her to see me and I’m really not bothered about her anymore. The friendship has run its course. I leave the ball in her court and she messages when she wants and I reply. It’s sad but I like my life sober and so others have to accept that. Sending hugs (we will meet up … coffee, cake, chat …. making new friends is so much fun 😊) 😘 xx

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  6. I hear you!
    I only had one big drinking buddy who wanted to be in bars, but she still would meet me for coffee, too.
    After 2 years, we now don’t see each other at all. And it’s ok.
    I did have to work on getting more friends, but in reality, we can only support a few good freinds. I don’t need many, just some good ones!
    Much Love,
    Wendy

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  7. Great advice above! I’m not sure what to add! 😊 With most of my older friends whom I drank with we don’t get together anymore. We just kind of slipped apart. I’m okay with that. I do like the suggestion of saying you are disappointed but understand Covid as well. Leave the ball in her court. Sorry to hear of the disappointment though! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hug. I had some really good friends stop inviting me to things when I got sober. It hurts, and it is sad.
    I have made many more lovely friends who are real and authentic and know me as I am.
    I wish I was closer, lol. I would come help you!

    Anne

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  9. You may find you end up with different friends down the road. I’ve seen friends come and go over the years- sometimes even friendships I thought would be around for the long haul. You’ll draw the right people to you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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