I’m in a really bad head space about tomorrow and I just can’t seem to shake the foreboding feeling that’s going with it.
For those of you that don’t know, when pregnant with BB, it was picked up I had a heart condition which was previously undetected. I’m lucky, it’s not massively serious (SVT) but it made carrying a baby extremely exhausting. I unfortunately kept collapsing and being admitted into hospital which was super stressful. Then a weekly scan showed BB had stopped growing so at 36 weeks she came early. She is perfect.
I’ve been on heart drugs since finding this out and on a whole they control the condition rather well. However, my heart can still go whilst out walking or when alone with BB. When it happens, I cant do anything and I’m exhausted after an attack. So it was felt it would be best to have this procedure done and its happening tomorrow.
From what I’ve read survival rates are extremely good, the risks are low. But I cant get my head around someone doing key hole on my heart. Like if it was my knee, I’ve got another one. I’ve only got one heart and I need it.
I’ve got it in my head I’m going to die and my biggest worry is leaving BB motherless. We are so close and it breaks my heart to think of her without me. I know statistically I’m going to be fine, my friends and husband are telling me it will be ok, but I just cant shake it.
So I’m hoping tomorrow when I update we can have a big giggle about my dramatic post, but until then keep your fingers crossed for me.