Day 86 – Tomorrow

I’m in a really bad head space about tomorrow and I just can’t seem to shake the foreboding feeling that’s going with it.

For those of you that don’t know, when pregnant with BB, it was picked up I had a heart condition which was previously undetected. I’m lucky, it’s not massively serious (SVT) but it made carrying a baby extremely exhausting. I unfortunately kept collapsing and being admitted into hospital which was super stressful. Then a weekly scan showed BB had stopped growing so at 36 weeks she came early. She is perfect.

I’ve been on heart drugs since finding this out and on a whole they control the condition rather well. However, my heart can still go whilst out walking or when alone with BB. When it happens, I cant do anything and I’m exhausted after an attack. So it was felt it would be best to have this procedure done and its happening tomorrow.

From what I’ve read survival rates are extremely good, the risks are low. But I cant get my head around someone doing key hole on my heart. Like if it was my knee, I’ve got another one. I’ve only got one heart and I need it.

I’ve got it in my head I’m going to die and my biggest worry is leaving BB motherless. We are so close and it breaks my heart to think of her without me. I know statistically I’m going to be fine, my friends and husband are telling me it will be ok, but I just cant shake it.

So I’m hoping tomorrow when I update we can have a big giggle about my dramatic post, but until then keep your fingers crossed for me.


JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

25 thoughts on “Day 86 – Tomorrow

  1. Oh my goodness!!!! I hadn’t known the details. You’re not being dramatic. Anyone would be freaked out by this. All you can do now is stay calm, put faith in statistics and the doctors who do these procedures frequently, and get through it. Looking forward to your update tomorrow!


    1. Thanks SVM ♡♡♡ I’ve been in isolation for this and my hubby thought I was being dramatic asking for my SD to stay with her mum. Just had a text today, someone in her bubble has got covid and the year group is off for 2 weeks. Feel so much better for being careful ♡♡


  2. I know that sense of foreboding! I have been seriously afraid I was going to die several times before going under general anesthetic for a surgery. Convinced I must have previously unknown psychic abilities. Has happened to me before getting on planes, too. But I’m still here! And you will be, too. Anxiety is totally normal, and having a child ups the stakes in our mind considerably. You really are going to be ok. Thinking of you! And sending big hugs! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg I’m so glad it’s not just me who thinks they have (failed) psychic abilities. And I do exactly the same with planes too but loved to travel. Thank you so much for your reassuring words ♡♡

      Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s normal that you would feel anxious! When you feel yourself spinning out of control try visualizing a perfectly successful procedure, your complete recovery and getting to spend time doing things you love with BB. Sending prayers for peace and a complete recovery. 💕


  4. Big hug.
    A couple years ago my then 78 year old mom had open heart surgery to repair mitral valve prolapse. She debated for a few years about doing this. It was a major surgery and she is not the healthiest person.

    In the end she was up and out of that hospital in a few days! Faster than I was after my c section!

    Medicine is amazing.

    I will be thinking of you. Deep breaths. Everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be. 🙏


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Anne, my mum ended up having that too-what are the chances? And bc NY rhythm is so erratic my one chamber is slightly enlarged so I know if I dont do it now I run the same risk, or the risk of a stroke. Thanks again, roll on the next 48 hours passing

      Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s funny how your brain can know all the rational arguments, stats etc, but there’s another bit of you that still worries anyway. Us humans are funny old things! Sending positive vibes your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think it’s totally reasonable to be feeling fearful about the operation. Please be kind to yourself about being scared of scary things!

    And please please update us tomorrow. Thinking of you!


  7. Breathe in and breathe out. Practice calm. As everyone has said it is totally normal to feel this way. Like you and Leafy, I can easily convince myself that I just ‘know’ something bad is going to happen. Accept you feel understandably anxious and on the edge of reason. Think nice thoughts. Focus on afterwards and how relieved you’ll feel it’s over and done with. Sending you hugs and love. Thinking of you lovely friend. 💕💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Morning, as I opened my curtains I was thinking about you and the procedure. I’m sending love and hugs, your body has got to be in a better healing place without 86 days of alcohol. Eagerly awaiting your update later, big hugs and love. ❤️❤️ Ange


  9. I’m sending you a big hug and good vibes! When my daughter had her back surgery I felt all those thoughts. One wrong move and she could be paralyzed. After the surgery they checked all her “limbs” religiously for proper movement. All is working good and I know the same will go for you!! Looking forward to hearing you in recovery!


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