Day 91 – HBD BB

Today is BB’s first birthday and we have celebrated with a Colin the Caterpillar cake. Like her mum, she adored her first taste of chocolate and here begins a beautiful love affair with the magic brown stuff.

I can’t even describe the love I feel for my 1 year old daughter, it seems to be all consuming. She is my reason I gave up alcohol.

I wanted to be fully present in her presence. And not hungover, regretful, forgetful and feeling like crap.

Dont get me wrong there are still days where I feel the worst, but I’m glad it’s not due to a toxin I have selfishly put in my body.

We’ve had a lovely day playing, eating cake, reading new books and singing songs. Her friends and family have left gifts on the lawn and waved from afar.

Whilst I’m sad we havent managed to have a party, I’ve loved being greedy and having her to myself on her special day (obviously I begrudgingly shared her with my husband).

Yesterday I felt like I had a moment of self actualisation, although it could be a pink fluffy cloud.

The hubster had brought BB to see me in bed and the 3 of us curled up together reading stories and playing. The rain was lashing down outside, it was a grey miserable afternoon. However I felt I was glowing with happiness, contentment and love.

I can only remember feeling like this once before. During a summer in New York working a frost valley summer camp as a life guard. I was walking down from the dinner hall back to the lake and the light caught the water for a moment and I radiated pure uplifted joy. I always thought that feeling, that electricity in my veins was a one off. Never to be repeated. But I experienced it again yesterday.

Interestingly that summer was an alcohol free summer too.

So that’s me. A Mummy to a 1 year old. I couldn’t be happier

Love

JS xx

Ps- we haven’t left my SD out, she’s got to self isolate with her mum due to a school covid case x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

16 thoughts on “Day 91 – HBD BB

  1. Here is my thought. These moments of clarity and peace are enlightenment.
    Recognizing them as they happen is the gift. That is the knowing. The noting that everything is exactly as it’s supposed to be.

    The rest of the time, when things seem hard, this little knowing can carry us through.

    I think a clear mind and heart opens us to this. And the recognition that we could still be lost, but are not.

    Happy birthday BB!

    Anne

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Being a mom is the greatest! I completely agree! It is a love like no other. I get those flashes of total perfection once in a while, too. I love what Anne said about them. Happy for you. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy Birthday BB! And happy 1 year of being a Mom to you – it is such a whirlwind especially the first year with SO many changes. I am really proud of you, internet stranger, thanks for being such an inspiration 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Huge Happy 1st Birthday to BB. It sounds to me like the perfect way to spend her birthday. There will be plenty of parities to plan for and at 1 year the only people she will want to be with are mummy and daddy anyway. The enlightenment sounds good. I have experienced similar, less intense but just an overwhelming feeling that I am happy ‘right now’ and not wanting for anything. I love Anne’s take on it. She has a lovely way of thinking about life. Oh, and Colin the Caterpillar is our regular birthday cake. He has made an appearance for practically every birthday in this house. We love him. ❤️🤗💓💕

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Happy Belated Birthday to BB! I have been away from WP for a few days and am catching up! You are a strong mom for dealing with all ya have dealt with lately and I love this post and how being a mom makes us feel. My girls are 16 1/2 and 18. This past weekend has with seeing my oldest ( She just turned 18 yesterday !) has been heartwarming. Total chaotic, but heartwarming and reminds me that being a mom is what makes me whole. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Such a cute cake…don’t think we have that little guy in America. Happy Birthday BB and cheers to you for soaking up every delicious moment! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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