Day 93 – Ugh

I’ve not really got any content to add today. I’m so disappointed with the latest lockdown news. I feel like the whole country pulled together at the start of the year to give the government time to come up with a strategy and all they’ve done is blow a ton of money and we’re back where we started.

I cried last night rather selfishly as my first mums night is cancelled friday due to it. I’ve really struggled making mum friends and was really looking forward to bonding with these fab girls. One of them however works on the critical care area of a local hospital as a consultant and as I cried I felt so selfish. It’s her first week back and she says it’s horrible. There she is facing it every shift (as well as all the other amazing frontline workers, whether it be dr, nurse, assistant, SLT, porter) and I’m on my sofa crying into my toblerone.

I’m also annoyed with the hubsters ex wife dictating how we spend our time as a family at a weekend. She’s already lied about saying we had an extra weekend with my SD (confirmed in text message) to only take it away and make it out like it was our mistake.

My hubster and her had a conversation about school clubs in the summer for my SD during this pandemic and my hubster said he wasnt keen on team sports right now and could we revisit in the new year. She never replied. She’s now booked her into football and whilst I’ve been isolating shes taken her 3 weekends in a row. Apparently my SD loves it and will be devastated if we dont take her. So she’s manipulated a situation so we either disappoint my SD and look like the bad side or we take her to something we’re not comfortable with. I’m also furious its dictating what we shall do in our time without our agreement. Like why should our Saturday mornings be taken up with this without our consent when we could be spending family time the 4 of us. So mad.

So I guess I did have something to write. UK peeps how you finding update 3458? Hows it in the rest of the world?

Any advice on how to handle the ex wife welcomed. She text the itinerary to my hubby and he’s just ignoring her. If she texts me I want to call her out on manipulating a situation. But I don’t know if it will ruin the work I’ve put in trying to keep it friendly for my SD.

Love

JS X

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

15 thoughts on “Day 93 – Ugh

  1. I’m the ex wife. I know the new wife doesn’t like me or the money that my ex must pay me to care for our two kids, who I have 100%. I know it causes issues with their new family, which also includes a baby. My ex pays me 15% of his income. That seems pretty reasonable…I spend 100% of my salary on the kids.

    If she is the primary parent then you will most likely always be stuck doing what she wants. It is a complicated thing. I would try hard to just recognize that your husband has an additional obligation and to go with it. Plus, if the mom knows it bugs you she might just make it worse.

    Your step daughter sounds like a good kid. Try to do whatever is best for her. This won’t end until she’s done university!

    Hugs. Send your husband to early morning soccer. Kids don’t need both parents. Get some extra sleep!

    Anne

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks. It’s always good to hear another perspective. She’s not the primary parent, historically its been the other way round until recently. She worked away in the week (and whilst doing so had an affair) and my ex took a pay cut and brought her up. The custody agreement is now 50/50 and in the parenting plan its agreed that any activities will be jointly agreed. She was really strict with the parenting plan which I think is why I’m so cross. If it was the other way round she’d go nuts.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah. I didn’t realize she lived with you 50/50. Sorry.
        Yes, almost all custody agreements say joint decisions, but, in my friends with joint custody experience, this never seems to happen. Many of them have very limited contact with the other parent, so there’s lots of this sort of situation. In the end both families end up going with whatever the child wants.

        I would not engage with her in any way. It’s really between your husband and his ex. It is a hard situation…so many hard and hurt feeling, on all sides.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. How I’d love to sit with you both and unload all about blended families! Sorry LS, I can’t give specific advice because the relationships are so nuanced, but I know how it can be so annoying and so… ongoing! I try to think of her as an extended family member that I’m just stuck with. And then I remind myself that I’m just so grateful I ended up with hubs! (Their divorce story makes me want to punch her in the face though…)

        Liked by 2 people

  2. And regarding Covid…. ugh, ugh, UGH. I can’t even remember what normal life was like anymore, without all this virus stress and election stress OMG 3 WEEKS.
    First, I 100% identify with complaining and then immediately feeling guilty because most other people have it SO much worse than I do. But it is really ok to feel bummed and stressed and have a good cry, while at the same time acknowledging it could always be worse.
    Things are not good here in the U.S. People are so awful and selfish and just don’t want to do even the most minimum things to contain the virus. We are in Minnesota and cases are rising, but not as dramatically as all our neighboring states. And it is still nice enough to be outside! I am nervous about what will happen in the coming very dark cold months. Collectively, and personally. I will really have to stay strong and develop a good routine, because right now I cope by getting outside and socializing at the park :-/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Its really rainy here some days and it’s such a bummer. People are ridiculously selfish in these parts too. My friend in Chicago is so worried about the election, especially with the circus act around Trump and the virus.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I share your anxst and frustration re Covid and then guilt as not on the frontline and not suffered directly as yet. Re the ex and ongoing co- parent it is tricky if you are right that she is playing games to an extent? Be very boundaried with her and ask hubby to be the same, but in a very straight up way. I’d slowly withdraw from any socialising with her without a big announcement – Covid should help with that! If you don’t want to do the sat soccer could your SD go every 2 weeks and be a mummy thing? Model what you’d like her to be with you- clear communication, plans etc and around SD but not a friendship where you talk about yourselves. It will find a balance hopefully – glad you’re ok after your op and hope you survived your mum’s visit ok! Xx💞💞

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hey, I missed this post somehow. I think all the advice given above is really sound. I absolutely agree that you need clear boundaries and you maintain a civil and professional type relationship with her. I agree with Anne, you both don’t need to be at the football or as DGS said, make it a fortnightly thing that she does with mum only.

    I too feel really despondent about covid. I also fear where it is heading. I guess last all we can do is abide by rules and keep ourselves and others safe. Xx 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Same I’m scared we’re sleep walking into something else. I’m thinking it will be a special thing she does with mummy 😂. She already does horse riding in the afternoons with us which is a lovely treat. Hope you’re ok lovely xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Well, it seems we may have an answer to why she’s being so friendly. If she’s super manipulative, it seems she would like to have you on her side. I’d continue to be superficially friendly but keep your contact minimal if possible. Good luck! Xo

    Liked by 1 person

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