It’s been clear for the last few years that alcohol had to go. I was either drinking (in the evenings when BB was in bed) or thinking about drinking, like literally obsessively (whilst BB was awake).
I remember a tree falling down really close to my friend and I during a run. This was literally right before I gave up. I was delighted that it had happened as I could use it as an excuse to drink. My friend quite rightly so, was really shaken up that we’d missed death by less than 7ft.
I used every excuse to have a drink and could turn the mondayest mondays into something to celebrate with a bottle of fizz. I’d watch friends and hubster top up glasses subconsciously urging them to hurry, glup it fast and immediately want a top up. I’d make arrangements with friends just so I could drink. I’d avoid parties/situations where I couldn’t get my fix. I’d get excited if my hubster was away for the night so I could drink alone.
I’d create my own chaos, then wonder why things were so wrong.
I’d be resentful that my career had stagnated not thinking the blame lay a little closer to home. I’d be puffy faced, bloodshot eyes, constantly a beat behind the music of life, irritable and full of guilt. I hated myself.
Whilst all of this was happening I didn’t realise the air around me was getting more and more polluted, blocking my airways and covering my vision with fog or smoke. Like I was sat passively in a room, I’d set on fire. I’d take deep breaths in choking, wondering why I wasn’t feeling rejuvenated.
Now at day 100. I feel like I can breathe.
And that’s saying something living in a big city. I take deep breaths now and I feel awake, renewed and full of energy and wonder for life.
The 100 days were more intense than I could have ever imagined. I completed 2 sober holidays (1st one ever with BB), survived a heart operation (I’d have used this as an excuse to have drank a ton before) and continued to navigate the tricky path of blended families.
The positives have been amazing.
I’ve resparked a love for open water swimming and enjoyed training with a squad.
I’ve made new friends and unfortunately cleared out one or two.
I’ve reassessed situations from a different mindset and mentally taken responsibility where it was due.
I’ve been brave and solo hiked and we’ve adopted a stinky overlooked cat.
My skin around my eyes is no longer puffy and appears clearer (although this might be because I’m finally taking my make up off at night). My hair is thick and I’ve dyed it a new colour.
Home has been more harmonious (even with a grouchy SD, meddling ex wife and the pressures of covid) and I’ve been more present for BB. I’m no longer counting the hours to her bed time (well unless it’s a really bad day). Talking of bedtime I no longer rush her stories and I have more energy and patience with her. I linger over the bed time routine, give her extra snuggles and countless silent apologies her mummy was so rubbish the first 9 months of her life. That her mummy subconsciously held something else on the pedestal where she now sits.
Talking of pedestals, my hubster is firmly up there too. Hes been kind, loving, supportive and helped make the whole thing so much easier. I’m so grateful he’s in my life.
So 100 days hey? And I’m still waffling on. From what I’ve learnt, the days are long but the years are short.
I’m going to do a separate post on what helped me, but mostly it was you guys on here so thank you from the bottom of my now fixed heart.
My final wish in sobriety is this… I hope you all shall live as long as you want and never want for as long as you all shall live (yes I’ve stolen it from the cheesy Chesapeake Shores, but I’m past caring).
Love
JS
Ps I’m obviously celebrating with the official sponsor of the 100 sober days (toblerone). And I’m going to do another 100 days, see if I can get to 200. ♡
Oh, this makes me so happy!
HAPPY 100 DAYS, JS!
Happy Dance for you!
It only gets better!
Xoxo
Wendy
💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻
LikeLike
Congratulations on 100 days, excellent! 😊🎈🌟😎
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much Dwight ♡♡ cant believe it. Never thought I’d actually do it
LikeLiked by 1 person
You got it now! Every day keep your thoughts and feelings on how great your life is sober. You’re training your mind/body and attracting goodness😊🌟
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a brilliant way to look at it ♡
LikeLike
Congrats!!! I hope you will keep blogging at least a little during your next 100!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Of course, I sort of like it. It keeps me on the straight and narrow. How you getting on?
LikeLike
Congrats! Your story reasonates with me so much. I am actually a little teary eyed because you made a statement that I have never thought about. Thank you. Keep going I am right on behind. 🙂
LikeLike
So beautiful.
Look how much you have gained!
I truly hope the 100 days turns into 10,000.
Sober really is a superpower. Who knew?!
Stillness and peace
Anne
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks so much Anne (as always) fingers crossed. Hope you’re ok in your part of the world ♡♡♡
LikeLiked by 1 person
Congrats sober Mum!
(Could I make a request? You quite often use abbreviations (like SD), but for the life of me I can’t guess what they stand for! Please could you explain them when you use them?)
LikeLike
Ahh I’m sorry SD- Step Daughter and BB is my daughter “Beautiful Baby”- although I’m very biased 😂
LikeLike
I worked out step daughter but couldn’t for the life of me get Beautiful Baby 👶😂😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
And thanks so much for your congrats ♡
LikeLike
Yes yes yes yes yes …. awesome 😎 job. So fantastic and the fact you are continuing is even more wonderful. You have given yourself and your family the best gift ever ..
You! This is an ace post ❤️❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 3 people
Maybe I should wrap myself up for xmas 😂🤦♀️. Thank you for everything you’ve done, you’ve helped me so much. So excited to run (or in my case waddle) together soon xxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Me too xxx
LikeLike
I’ve been silent as I deleted the app (need a new phone)then suddenly tonight thought you must be near 100 days and here it is!!!! Yey you!!! A.maze.zing!!!! I’m a little behind in day 44 but I’m following in your footsteps …I relate to so much…thank you!!!x
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you too and thanks so much for thinking of me I’m really really touched. 44 days is over a 1/3 of the way, nearly half, that’s amazing. How you feeling about it all? Gosh I’m just so happy to hear from you xx
LikeLike
Yay!!!!!! Congratulations on reaching your goal! This is a wonderful post, and I am so very excited for you to continue on this journey! Well done! 🎉🎉🎉😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Leafy. And thanks for all your help and encouragement ♡♡ you’ve made such a positive difference thank you ♡♡
LikeLiked by 1 person
Congratulations!!!!
LikeLike
Congratulations on 100 days. Loved this honest, touching post, especially the line, “I’d create my own chaos, then wonder why things were so wrong.” That sounds so familiar. Welcome to the other side…the air is much clearer over here. The views more precious. Glad you’ve decided to stick around. 💕
LikeLike