Day 108 – Remend

I feel a lot calmer now I’ve booked someone to talk to. He suggested keeping a food diary and mid scoff of some secret chocolate buttons around 5pm yesterday, I felt a bit embarrassed but then reminded myself that’s the whole point of it isnt it. Not to get embarrassed, but examine the problem and the feelings that go hand in hand with it.

Yesterday was a big day for me. I put in a previous post how I’d lost friendships through my drinking. And whilst I was never really sure if it was my drinking which drove some away I know deep down my behaviour had a big part to play in the outcomes.

Well around a week ago an old close friend got in contact. She’d been checking in over the last 2 to 3 years. We’d originally started off as riding buddies, then when her husband walked out on her we had about 18 months of being incredibly close. I looked after her daughter a lot and we had a lot of fizz nights putting the world to rights. I was obviously delighted I had someone to binge drink with and it was nice as someone who had been single for a few years to feel needed.

Around the 18 month mark things got funny between us. I was busy drinking and going from one dating disaster to another whilst she met someone and started seeing them quite seriously. And I was devastated. I no longer had a friend to hang out with all weekend, someone to drink with and watch films with whilst nursing a hangover (when her daughter was at her dads). I should’ve been happy for my friend, but I felt left behind, bitter and cast aside.

I do believe she could’ve handled it better, but I now understand what it’s like when you meet someone and get caught up in the honeymoon period.

I last saw her New Years eve 2017. I had a horrible cold (remember when something was a cold and not covid?!) and left hers early before midnight. I was genuinely poorly but I think it was death by a thousand paper cuts. She started off the new year not talking to me.

Anyway, over the years shes messaged to congratulate me on BB and the wedding and I’ve done the same when I’ve seen on instagram something has happened with her. Last week she messaged to say she had seen my SD and I had been riding and would she be able to bring her daughter. They’re the same age and it’s an activity where my SD could mix with another girl her age, doing something she loves whilst keeping a distance. I messaged the stables and they said it was ok.

The lesson was yesterday and I was so ridiculously nervous seeing her. I think my husband thought I was nuts, the amount i over discussed it with him. I turned up and parked next to her and felt sick.

But you know what. It was ok. It was a little bit awkward at first but the girls got on so well we’ve arranged to do a walk in a couple of weeks time.

I’d love to pick apart what’s happened and we’ve text a little bit since. But I know shes quite a closed person and although I’m very wary I’m quite happy to have a little friend for my SD that’s local and perhaps rebuild a friendship.

In other news we are all curled up introducing my SD to Narnia. I’m wrapped in a blanket with a fried egg sandwich with my legs tired from swimming this morning. I’ve not really binged today which is good, but I’ve treated myself to a hot chocolate and cake earlier.

So that’s me. Tired, sober and happy.

How are you all?

Love

JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

8 thoughts on “Day 108 – Remend

  1. Take it slowly with your friend. Sometimes we get very caught up in becoming so very close that we feel hurt and rejected when others pull away for some breathing space. I have done it so many times and some friendships are over because we couldn’t get back on track. Others though have come full circle and my one friend and I are really close again now, not intense and OTT like we once were, but really supportive and loving and happy for each other. This might be you and your friend again. I have to admit I have been bingeing more recently. Lots of chocolate. I have decided I need to stop being so restrictive with my diet as it leads to more mindless eating of crap. Maybe I’ll try to have treats that I eat with awareness and not guilt, if that makes any sense? Ho hum. There is always something!! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As you said positive baby steps but cool for you and your SD! Narnia rules! One of my daughters door has “Welcome to Narnia” painted on the outside! Oh and I love a fried egg sandwich! Nobody likes them in my family but I grew up with them. I’m going to get a snack and tea now. Hope you enjoyed that cocoa and cake! 😋

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I loved Narnia as a kid. I find it so sad that my daughter doesn’t always love the books I loved as a kid, but she did like The Lion, the Witch, … I’m happy for you with your friendship. I had something very similar happen to me, and I never recovered the friendship. Probably due to my own tendencies toward grudge holding. I hope you and your friend can rebuild something lovely. Xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really loved the Brian Jacques Redwall series as a kid and saved my books especially to pass on. My SD isnt bothered but hoping BB will love them. And I’m sorry to hear about you too. I think it’s so horrible to lose a friend, I really grieved the loss of a friendship ♡♡

      Liked by 1 person

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