Today we went to a childrens farm. It’s actually become a special place to me.
You see 112 days ago, I stumbled round this childrens farm, with my BB (Beautiful Baby), my SD and a raging hangover. It wasn’t a warm day, but I had the sweats, cotton wool mouth, a pounding head and I was eyeing up which bin to be sick in. In fact the bin by the cows nearly got it.
I was so so irritable and couldn’t focus on either child. The only moment of relief was when we stopped for a picnic. But in all the day was horrid and it was purely down to me.
You see the night before, I’d had the lions share of 5 bottles of wine between myself and 2 other friends. This was on top of 2 espresso martinis and a gin and tonic, plus sneaky sips in the kitchen. Even when I drank, I was irritable, focused on the next drink although there was a few dregs left in the glass in my hand.
At the farm that day, listening to the girls try and chatter, I had my light bulb moment. Maybe I should try and stop drinking?
I played the thought around in my head. What about our holiday in 5 weeks time? Brunch with the girls? Oh god what about Xmas and birthdays. It seemed unfathomable. But yet the thought niggled away.
That night I of course drank and the night after I was in my friends beautiful country garden, outside Ludlow. We both had a drink in our hand. It was probably drink number 5 or 6. She was the only friend who probably drank more than me and that day she’d hurried her husband and I home from a walk so she could open a bottle of fizz. I was disappointed the walk had finished early but was already anticipating the first crisp sip and drinks to come.
Anyway with drink in hand, I mentioned to her I was worried about my drinking and I was thinking about abstaining for a while. She was horrified. Why would I want to do that? How could I think about such a thing? With each question, she came more and more dug into the position of drinking and yet it made me more certain going sober was the path to take. My last drink was a glass of red wine on that Saturday night.
The next morning, I got up early, it was a beautiful sunny day and I sat in the garden with a cup of tea listening to the bees, breathing in the lavender.
My first morning of being sober. Of course I’ve spent many mornings over my life being sober, but this was the first one of a new dawn.
And it all started with a childrens farm.