A few comments have got me thinking recently on my blog and others. A common theme throughout the sober community is “I wish I’d given up when I was younger/ X age/ when I had kids etc”. So I was just wondering, could you pin point an actual moment of when you wished you’d given up?
This thought has been rolling around in my head for days. For me I can pin point when I wished I’d given up.
I was 21, maybe even 22 years old and at university in a little university town. It was early on in the year, a cold (actually make that freezing), dark night where the rain was lashing down sideways. I remember being so drunk I didn’t want to be at the club anymore so I stumbled out, got a takeaway from the shop next door and then stumbled blindly home. I was so drunk I remember lurching as walking, desperate for the 20 minute walk to be over and to be in my pjs so I could binge on pizza.
The walk home was dark, not much lighting through an industrial area and at the time I thought I was a great idea to call my boyfriend at the time Tom. He was doing a semester at Keene in the states and due to the time difference was completely sober.
He was also completely cheating on me with a girl at Keene and when ringing I could hear her in the background. When I questioned him, he told me I was being silly. However, I had a nagging feeling (and later he admitted it).
I made it home safe, put my pjs on and continue to binge on pizza and left over wine. I don’t remember the next morning but it cant have been pretty.
Looking back, I wish I could have wrapped me up in a massive cuddle, took the drink away and told myself he wasn’t worth it. That I was worth so much more than him, putting toxins in my body, putting myself at risk on the walk home.
I now feel I’ve wasted so much time, chasing drinks that are full of toxins, men that are full of crap and neglecting myself in the process.
So that is my moment. What’s yours?