Day 149 – Step families and Covid

As I predicted over a cuppa this weekend to my bemused (at the time) husband, it is all kicking off over my step daughter and covid.

My step daughters bubble has got to isolate, there have been 5 cases in the last few days. She was spending the weekend with her mother when the news came on Sunday. She was due to come to ours tomorrow and stay until Monday.

Since isolating her mother has been trying to have me look after her on her days and then have her delivered to her at certain times after work. I politely refused and said she could either come for the whole period of isolation or we continue the custody arrangement.

I love my step daughter, however, I’ll be honest when I heard the news I didnt think it was right her going between our 2 houses during isolation. Especially when her mum is driving her an hour down the motorway to mix with her partners kids, who then go back to their mothers. I got quoted the custody agreement when this was raised with her mother, so we were expecting her tomorrow.

To make things fun I’ve been out and brought baking stuff (maths and science) and stuff to make pictures on and snowflakes for arts and crafts. I’ve created a hot chocolate station and looked at what films we could watch in BBs nap times. I thought we could rate the Xmas films and write film reviews for English.

Her mother text tonight to say she’s got a “cold”, but shes sure its nothing. She’s given her calpol and put her to bed early. Now we know my SD doesn’t go to bed early (she actively fights bed time) unless she’s sick.

We ask her to get her tested before she comes. When her result is negative she can come over and we are happy to have her extra days to make up for it.

Her mother kicks off. She has a busy day at work tomorrow, do we know how stressful her job is? (She’s a director for a big company and often writes in magazines about maintaining the perfect working life balance). She can’t believe that we “don’t want to see her”. I am literally flabbergasted.

I feel so sorry for my SD. If it was BB, I wouldnt be letting her out of my sight until I knew she was well and it wasn’t covid. But my SD’s mum is more concerned on how it affects her working day.

My husband is now doubting himself, “maybe we should just have her and get her tested”. He feels awful that she’s painted it as we don’t want her. I’m now feeling like a terrible person for putting my foot down to try and stop any possible transmission and to protect my daughter.

So that’s me. I’m so glad I’m not drinking otherwise I wouldve taken the phone off my husband and text her myself. Luckily he’s a lot less confrontational.

I ran tonight and boy I was fast. Burning out the anxiety.

How is everyone this tuesday?

Love

JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

13 thoughts on “Day 149 – Step families and Covid

  1. Ok I know this whole situation so well. We just got a call today that Lucy’s pod has to quarantine Bc of a positive case of a kid in her class. Her dad had just dropped her. There is no perfect solution bc of timing but we agree to what you are saying – you have to think like that, you just do.

    A couple of weeks ago, ellen had « a sinus infection » and her dad offered for her to stay with him. To your latter point, I was like « no send her home, I have elderberry syrup and soup and the whole deal » turns out missing practice for sinus requires a Covid test to return to practice. Here’s what I learned:

    If a kid needs a Covid test, it’s always better to take them to get evaluated by their doctor. The doctor can say « yes it’s viral «  and do the test with accurate test provider and faster results. At least here in the states. Rapid tests and drive thru will require busy moms to wait hours in line and four days for tests. So I would just have her taken to the doctor. Plus the doc said it’s better to do that bc they can remedy other systems and rule out other things – like strep or the flu.

    Hopefully that’s helpful bc a) you’re doing the right thing and bottom line is SD can come home at anytime and wear a mask and not touch BB. That’s OK. B) biological mom can suck it up and take her to doc it is totally valid to freak about taking for a test bc it is not easy and c) hopefully everybody reading this can be enlightened by what I’m sharing from my pediatrician 🙂

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  2. Like the way I look at it with David’s kids and my kids is that their our kids. And non divorced parents don’t really get to choose not to have their kid when they are sick or exposed. So that takes a lot of pressure off of « should they come here » bc truly the answer is you’re their safe space. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. Masks when not in room. Masks when you bring them their food and they eat in their room. And keep distance. That’s what we do. But responsibility wise, the mom should do her part. She can’t « off the problem » our agrément with the other parent is to see it thru. Lastly, the note about the doc is that it really took a lot of stress off when I realized I could just take the kid to the doc rather than find a testing place and wait in line, etc. ESPECIALLY bc ellen didn’t qualify for a test due to only having one symptom!! AnywAy. It’s stressful but just remember, the best solution is one where all parties is acting responsible and being flexible. Nobody knows how to do this perfectly. So just hang in there

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much for commenting. It’s so reassuring to hear other blended families are struggling too with the situation.
      Over in the UK, it’s actually easier to get a test than a drs apt. You book online, go in your car, they test you in your car and you leave. The whole thing takes minutes. There’s also regulations in the UK stating where ever the child is isolating they have to stay, but I’ve only just found this out. I just cant believe her own mum is trying to palm her off. If she had to isolate here, I’d happily have her for the whole 2 weeks. I’m not bothered about her as a person coming her, it’s her home, I love her. I am bothered about the potential risks to BB and my husband. Plus I’m still vulnerable due to my heart. So I feel that we should be careful with transmission ♡♡

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Also I was literally going to write about step families and Covid to capture how we do things bc I think a lot of people are in this boat. Once again, our lives our synchronous!!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I totally agree with you. The SD shouldn’t be traveling between households at this time, it just increases the exposure, which we’re supposed to be minimizing. That’s a tough situation if the mother isn’t cooperating. I hope she feels better soon!

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  5. So glad you ran … it was the best thing for this situation. I would be so stressed and upset about this too and using all your tools to keep yourself in an even keel is the perfect way to handle it. Guilt is a terrible feeling and sadly people will use it to get what they want. I read a book recently and there is a big section about win win situations and how to approach conflict to try for a win win. What about SD’s Dad taking her for a Covid test? Or ordering a home kit one? You and BB stay away. If he socially distances as much as possible for her and you also until you get the result it will reduce the risk. That way he is ‘supporting’ this but she doesn’t live with you until you have a result. You don’t need to feel guilty, either of you, but it sounds like he needs to ‘do’ something to feel he is being a good Dad. Take a posture step that might support her mum with work but that keeps the risk to you and yours minimal. ‘Win win’ where everyone benefits in some way. Just a thought xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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