Day 150 – Oh Xmas Tree

So my SD is still at her mums, hopefully awaiting her covid test results. We have text a couple of times to ask her how she is, but so far those messages are being ignored.

I hate not knowing that she’s ok and it’s even worse for her dad. I had loads of anxiety this morning, I woke up feeling sick in my stomach and not hungry.

I made myself eat some porridge and continued with the day as planned.

Whilst driving to BBs baby class, I remembered discussing with my counsellor how I felt about my mothers behaviour. At the time he listened and offered this advice:

“You can’t control how others behave you can only control your reaction (and your own behaviour)”.

For some reason this calmed me. I’d felt out of control, planning worst case scenarios and how I would respond. As I thought of this phrase, my shoulders actually sagged with relief.

Throughout the day every time my brain tried to explore a terrible scenario, I managed to pull myself back into the present. In doing so, I was able to be there more for my husband and support him more.

This evening we got our Xmas tree and decorated it. It’s normally a tradition where my SD and hubster get the tree and I make hot chocolate (mine normally laced with baileys) on their return.

This year it felt weird getting it without her, but ultimately she wouldnt be able to go as she’s isolating. We decorated it efficiently (it only took 45 minutes, surely that’s a record?), with half our decorations being put aside until BB is a little bit older. She’s currently sticking everything in her mouth.

It felt weird not drinking hot chocolate laced with baileys. It also felt weird it being just my hubby and I, it’s never happened before. It was different but good different.

I’m now sitting with my xmas mug, reflecting, snuggled under a blanket, with a hot chocolate laced with marshmallows. And you know what? It’s just as yummy.

Are any of you finding that xmas traditions seem to normally go hand in hand with drinking? How are you finding it?

Happy festive Wednesday


JS x

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

9 thoughts on “Day 150 – Oh Xmas Tree

  1. I’m just catching up on your posts now. Oh my goodness! I hope your SD is ok. I can’t believe her mother’s behavior either. It’s hard to understand how anyone could just be so casual about possibly exposing people to the virus. Seems so selfish! Well, you seem to be handling it all very well. I also find comfort in the realization that we can’t control other people’s behavior, only our own. Thinking of you and sending support. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m so glad to hear her test came back negative and she’s back with you! ❤️ As the holidays roll in I realize just how much I did with alcohol. 😬 Decorating the tree this year without will be my next project this weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

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