Day 167 – Boxing day

Yesterday for Christmas, we stayed at home the 3 of us. I loved it.

You see normally Christmas involves 16 of us squeezed round a table at my Aunts, whilst the family politics plays out over bottles of wine and food.

My mother being toxic, would make at least 3 maybe 4 digs about my weight, my outfit, make up, my life before we’d started dinner. I would be stressed preparing the starters for everyone, whilst taking into account 1 veggie cousin and 1 which never likes whatever we do so just gets served garlic bread.

We would sit round the table and I’d always feel an anxious knot in my stomach. For years I was single and would be asked over and over again, was there anyone special in my life. To then be told “dont worry when it happens it happens”. Or to be told my biological clock was ticking and to not leave it any later.

My one aunt is as toxic as my mother, you see the same patterns of behaviour play out, they get it from my nan. My other Aunt is lovely, warm and also doesn’t quite fit in like me.

I’d either drink to get through the occasion. Or mainly not drink at all, but get hammered the night before with nerves of the forthcoming meal and then hammered again Christmas day as soon as I got home. I’d always have a stress head ache and feel sick.

Yesterday was perfect. We got up when BB woke up. We slowly opened presents and played with BBs through out the day. We ate at a time to suit BB. We ate our favourite food without judgement.

There was zero stress with cooking since our favourite food is lasagne. We got it ready the night before, set the table ready. After BBs nap we went for a slow stroll and witnessed the most beautiful sunset.

I didn’t miss drink once. I didn’t feel like I “needed it” to escape reality or make xmas good. It just felt so good being away from a toxic Xmas and making new traditions.

My husband proclaimed how much he enjoyed Christmas and we’ve decided to do the same next year. I’m already looking forward to it.

I decided to eat what I wanted on the day and it was almost like giving myself permission stopped binging. I over indulged, ate chocolate and maybe a bit too much cheese. But had no feelings of disgust and guilt. I just felt like I’d enjoyed the day.

Today I’m reading a book I got for Xmas, with a blanket and a cuppa whilst BB naps. We’ve been up since 6 and enjoyed the deserted park for an hour this morning.

Hope everyone’s had a good Christmas. Even with plans changing and the virus, I really hope it was peaceful and joyful.

Love

JS xx

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

10 thoughts on “Day 167 – Boxing day

  1. I think lots of people will surprise themselves with how much they prefer Christmas being quiet. No pressure, no agenda and very little stress. Surely that is what it should be about? It sounds like you had the perfect day. We did a family bike ride today, a family quiz and I also managed yoga. Now a bath and a cuppa with my book. Xxx

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Loving it. I’m slowly getting a little more confident so I’m hoping that I’ll be out on it regularly by the time spring comes because I’ll feel ok to go alone! Xx

        Liked by 2 people

  2. That was lovely. My kids and I had beef tenderloin. We all like it and it was easy. It was lovely.
    I also drank for years at my narcissistic mother. The stress of making things perfect and the inability to ever do it as they just moved the bar. I ruined many holidays in my own self destruction.

    There is great freedom in taking charge and doing what we want. The sadness is still there…I know I will never really understand how a mother doesn’t love her children.

    Lobe to you,
    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

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