Day 182 – Walks

Today I made time to escape the house and do a big walk with a friend over the fields by us.

The husband is in a mood as he’s currently sword fighting his ex wife over her wishes to send their daughter to private school and the implications and added cost to ourselves (she’ll pay the fees, but there’s an extra 6 weeks holidays to cover and the uniform is £600 p/a. That’s not even considering school trips etc).

He, well we both do, have concerns over the effect on BB having a different education. As well as the pressure to pay for the private school add ons, taking money away from BBs pot. We’ve always said we would treat them as fair as possible, when it comes to money, treats, presents etc so neither child feels left out.

However, it feels like if we don’t consent, it will always be “your dad held you back”, to my step daughter when she’s older. We’ve basically been pushed into a corner.

Understandably he’s become snappy and withdrawn so I was happy to escape for 2 blissful hours with a friend.

The thing I love about this walk is it’s off the beaten track, you hardly see anyone whilst walking it. So in covid staying safe terms it’s great. There’s also tons of beautiful nature to look at. Rabbits, horses, wagtails, robin’s. The air feels fresh and you forget you’re in a city.

I breathed in great big breaths. I listened to the bird call, the snorts of the horses as we wandered past. I heard my shoes crunch the frosty ground, the cold tingling my fingers. I felt alive and well. I felt in the moment.

After the walk had finished, I came home to a warm home. I played with BB as my husband snapped. It was hard not to snap back. I then decided on a little more self care and went to bed with a book in her nap time.

When she woke, my husband came in the room and apologised. I feel so much better for biting my tongue and not giving it back. Acting from compassion and understanding, instead of hurt and well annoyance.

We ate Sunday dinner together, laughed and enjoyed each others company. I know tough times are coming (they haven’t come to an agreement yet and there will be a fall out), but I feel better for weathering this part of the storm.

Being sober definitely makes me less reactive, more compassionate and more self aware. It’s making me a better wife, mother and partner. I couldn’t be more thankful.

Oh replenish update, still doing the skin care routine and loving it. Still doing yoga and trying to get enough sleep. Eating is going better too.

Happy Sunday. Hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend

Love

JS xx

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

14 thoughts on “Day 182 – Walks

  1. Hug
    Divorce is a complicated thing. As the mom with the kids alone, I feel my kids deserve everything they were supposed to have before we got divorced. It is a hard and complicated thing.
    Where I live things like education expenses are clearly defined in custody agreements. Your husband should review what is and isn’t obligated, and get legal advice, if required. I know where I am school fees and costs would be mandated.

    It is hard to imagine supporting 2 families. That is what my ex is doing. I know the new wife does not like that or me, but he still has obligations to the first children.

    I think you are doing well to give him space to figure this out.

    Anne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Anne. We have my SD 50% of the time and the financials were agreed in advance when divorced which is fine. Neither of them pay maintenance to each other and then agreed theres the split for the childcare costs. Schools here are free and the one she goes to is rated outstanding by our schools board. The ex has decided she needs to go private school which is outside the agreement and a bit of a curve ball tbh. It’s so hard, I want what’s best for both girls, but sad they wont go the same school etc. Or have the same experiences xx

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  2. How beautiful! Doesn’t look like a city would be found for miles! Isn’t it self-affirming when we see the level of emotional control and maturity that can come with sobriety? 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it’s almost like an outer body experience. It’s so strange. I could also play out my reaction in my head, how it wouldve been if I was still drinking. Then the row, the tears, the anxiety. Sobriety is the best gift

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ugh, ex drama. Hugs. What are her reasons for wanting this? Whatever they are, I think you have the final say with “the girls will go to the same school”. My personal opinion is that private schools should be outlawed. It adds terribly to inequality, messes up the sense of community (in the city where I used to live there were SO many choices, even public choices, of where to send your child, that every kid on our block went to a different school), and don’t even get me started on the ones that do religious indoctrination….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well this is a religious school which we are against. My husband had private education and hated it. Felt ostracized from kids on his street, did home work for hours every night and doesnt wish that to be her childhood. His ex wife has done incredibly well for herself with a public education but has said could we only imagine how much more she could’ve achieved if she’d had the opportunity of private school when younger. I’m worried about the inequality at home with BB and later on. But we know if we said no, it would be held against us for the end of time. Especially when my SD gets older. So we feel very stuck (sorry for the essay) x

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      1. Sending you the strength to say NO. You can only control sticking to your convictions, you cannot control her reaction. You have a 100% reasonable argument against it. In addition, wouldn’t you be uprooting her from a school you already KNOW works for you, and she is happy at? That’s huge. We have, at times, veered into the territory of making decisions based on how the crazy ex may react. But my philosophy has turned to, she will be crazy and difficult at times no matter how hard we try, so I will do what I think is right and not worry about her reaction.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s it’s exactly it. We’ve said yes to her going but we will not fund it or pay anymore than what we already do towards care etc. And if this can’t be agreed then we don’t consent to her going. We are awaiting a response 😂

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  4. I’m glad you were able to escape the drama and practice some self-care. It’s so important!!! Whatever way it goes, it will be ok. It is hard when we don’t have control over decisions that we worry will affect our life and our family. But what BB and SD need more than anything is love, and they get that from you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m so happy you were able to go for such a nice walk. Just what you needed. 😀 Yeah it does kind of sound like your backed into a corner, unfortunately. That really stinks. I am sure thinking of you guys. It’s really admirable how you both are doing all you can do treat both equal. Just lovely! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi JS, done day one finally. Let’s hope I can keep it going. I’ve just found a new blog that I think you’d like on WordPress. Picture me sober. If you can’t find it she’s commented on grateful Colletes blog today 12 th, you can get her that way. So pleased you’re doing well. Ange xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Congratulations on day 1. How are you feeling? I found the first 21 days the hardest, if you need me I’m here for you 🤗 I’ll go and give a follow now thanks so much for the recommendation.

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