Today I made time to escape the house and do a big walk with a friend over the fields by us.
The husband is in a mood as he’s currently sword fighting his ex wife over her wishes to send their daughter to private school and the implications and added cost to ourselves (she’ll pay the fees, but there’s an extra 6 weeks holidays to cover and the uniform is £600 p/a. That’s not even considering school trips etc).
He, well we both do, have concerns over the effect on BB having a different education. As well as the pressure to pay for the private school add ons, taking money away from BBs pot. We’ve always said we would treat them as fair as possible, when it comes to money, treats, presents etc so neither child feels left out.
However, it feels like if we don’t consent, it will always be “your dad held you back”, to my step daughter when she’s older. We’ve basically been pushed into a corner.
Understandably he’s become snappy and withdrawn so I was happy to escape for 2 blissful hours with a friend.
The thing I love about this walk is it’s off the beaten track, you hardly see anyone whilst walking it. So in covid staying safe terms it’s great. There’s also tons of beautiful nature to look at. Rabbits, horses, wagtails, robin’s. The air feels fresh and you forget you’re in a city.
I breathed in great big breaths. I listened to the bird call, the snorts of the horses as we wandered past. I heard my shoes crunch the frosty ground, the cold tingling my fingers. I felt alive and well. I felt in the moment.
After the walk had finished, I came home to a warm home. I played with BB as my husband snapped. It was hard not to snap back. I then decided on a little more self care and went to bed with a book in her nap time.
When she woke, my husband came in the room and apologised. I feel so much better for biting my tongue and not giving it back. Acting from compassion and understanding, instead of hurt and well annoyance.
We ate Sunday dinner together, laughed and enjoyed each others company. I know tough times are coming (they haven’t come to an agreement yet and there will be a fall out), but I feel better for weathering this part of the storm.
Being sober definitely makes me less reactive, more compassionate and more self aware. It’s making me a better wife, mother and partner. I couldn’t be more thankful.
Oh replenish update, still doing the skin care routine and loving it. Still doing yoga and trying to get enough sleep. Eating is going better too.
Happy Sunday. Hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend