For 6 months I’ve lived authentically (or at the very least that’s what its felt like).
I chose not to drink alcohol any more after a terrible trip to a childrens farm with a hangover (think the stench of cows combined with the hangover heaves). However, I still continued to drink for the next 2 nights.
You see I always felt I was “giving up”. That I was robbed of one my favourite pastimes, relaxation activity and social lubricant.
I can now see in 6 months, I have in fact not chosen to give up anything. I have chosen to live in a technicolor of emotion and experience (I know this sounds terribly wanky, but it’s what it feels like). I have chosen to become a better mother, wife, friend.
I have quit my job to follow my heart into teaching and I’m dedicating hours to pre read the course material and practice weak areas. I’ve started the journey on tackling an eating disorder and putting in place positive practices.
I have discovered a love of early morning wild swimming and have signed up for when it opens again in late Spring. I’ve cross stitched 2 childrens advent calendars, taken better care of my body, read books to expand my mind.
I have woken up at 6am to do yoga, taken long walks, danced in the rain under a rainbow with my step daughter and explored beaches in Devon whilst on holiday.
I know to some this is already their life. But for me this is all brand new. I’d have never done this whilst drinking.
I’d have missed out on all these opportunities. Missed the magic in the quiet moments with my daughter. Rushed the bed time routine instead of lingering, giving extra kisses, reading an extra book. Missed getting up early to see the sun rise and break over a gorgeous lake whilst the cool water swirled around my body. Missed early reconciliation after a row with the husband, extending the arguement with alcohol induced self righteousness. Missed the afternoon hike in the lakes up to a tarn whilst my husband and BB slept.
Missed connecting with you. You have all helped so much this last 6 months. Encouraging, offering advice, changing my mindset, recommending books, yoga expanding my mind. Thank you.
I feel like I’ve lived more in these 6 months than I have in 2 to 3 years of drinking. Yet I look and feel younger. Isn’t that crazy?
That’s even taking into account lockdown, the anxiety of a virus, home schooling. In fact the lock down has only made it feel like I’m more cocooned, protected whilst I navigate new waters.
So if you’re starting this journey and asking yourself is it worth it? It is. It really is.
You’re not giving up anything (well apart from toxins and on occasion feeling like utter death). In fact the hole you think alcohol leaves, blows itself wide open and fills up with activities, feelings, love, self awareness and an appreciation for life. It’s not one I’m planning to give up any time soon.
Anyway enough waffling