The grenade went off last night when my husband emailed his ex wife regarding the private school she is hell bent on sending my step daughter to.
She is wishing to break the court ordered financial agreement and contribute less towards childcare due to her funding the school. She also by default wants us to pay more in covering the extra weeks holidays my step daughter would have, the increased school uniform costs and any additional school trips etc.
We simply can not afford it. We live modestly on one salary supporting the 4 of us currently. We can afford all our necessities but not any extravagances. But we are happy, we don’t want or wish for more.
The whole point of the financial order was to protect us from her doing this as she’s a lot more affluent and doesnt wish to pay as much.
We have stated my SDs school is currently outstanding, they’ve offered excellent online lessons, she loves her friends and teachers. That she has experienced a ton of upheaval in the last few years and school has been her one constant security blanket. That she loves her childminder, she’s settled and happy. That we’d prefer her not to go.
All of this has fallen on deaf ears and as I’ve said, she is hell bent on sending her.
We had preliminary discussions in July last year at time when I still had a job to go back to. She gave us a scribbled draft of her financial workings out and we went back with what we needed to make it work. Since then both our stances have changed. She is now asking for more, whereas we are asking to stick with the financial agreement and use this money to cover the extra costs of uniform and holiday cover.
This resulted in her creating a whatsap group last night adding us both and then ranting about how we’d changed the goal posts (so had she) and if my SD couldn’t go we would be disappointing her forever. That she felt forced into a corner to continue to pay the financial agreement (like yes it’s a legal enforceable document).
Her message immediately caused all sorts of turmoil. My husband rubbish with conflict, went quiet, brooding and snappy. I was expecting this but was annoyed I’d been added into a whatsap group to discuss it informally.
Then I could feel the anxiety kick in. My heart beat went erratic. My mind was racing with all the potential scenarios. I felt the wine witch give me a wink.
I lit some candles and powered through my yoga, getting lost in the flow. And you know what. It really helped. Like really helped.
I came out of the practice calm, no longer craving (well it had reduced considerably) and was able to be supportive and nurturing towards my husband. I responded to the group thanking her for including me, but stating I’d rather the discussions stayed between the 2 of them for now. I felt proud I’d maintained my boundaries. I then left the group.
This morning after a rubbish nights sleep, I’ve helped my husband devise a response to her email that is calm, unemotive and to the point. Not using the dramatic language and the guilt manipulation she has tried to use.
I dont agree with her approach or demands, however, I do emphasise with her as a mother. She obviously believes it is the best route for her daughter and she’s fighting for us to contribute to her idea. I respect her for doing that, for looking out for her daughter. I only hope she shows some respect and empathy back to our family and financial situation.
So that’s where we are today. It was the strongest urge I’d had in ages, I’m glad I managed to fight it.
How’s everyones Sundays?