Day 263 – Still Standing

I’m still standing (just). After vowing to never eat another bite of chocolate on saturday night, I’ve had some every day. Some days I’ve binged. Some days I’ve had just a little. I’ve decided to park it for now and enjoy Easter. I’ll let future me deal with this.

It’s been warm and sunny here (apart from today). BB and I have visited our favourite National Trust so she can scream “ducks” loudly whilst chasing them and shoving their bread in her mouth. Its adorable to watch, but apparently I’m the worst mummy in the world for not letting her throw herself off a bridge and into the water after them.

The nice weather has made me wistfully dream of having a gin in the sunshine. I keep reminding myself how out of control I felt and visualise how I used to hide in the kitchen having secret sips. Its working for now.

My step daughter came home from school yesterday with a cough, temperature and cold. Her mum had fed her full of calpol (to reduce the temperature) and sent her in that morning and not mentioned it to us. Apparently my SD felt so poorly on Tuesday night she slept on the sofa in her mums office whilst her mum worked as she wanted to be close to her mum. She’s ended up over tired as she didnt sleep well on the sofa and woke in the night when her mum had left and didnt know where she was.

I had to cancel my work today and my god mum (who’s in my bubble and was going to watch BB) to take her for a test. To say I was disappointed in her mums behaviour is an understatement. I also feel desperately sorry for my SD wanting to be close to her mum whilst she’s left on a sofa in the office whilst her mum works into the evening.

After coming back from the test centre the 3 of us have made brownies together (both enjoyed licking the bowl out the most). Thankfully her result came back in 3 hours as negative.

My husband is doing my head in. I feel like we’re really disjointed and not connected at the moment. We talk about things that annoy each other and I feel like I’m trying to do everything to remember to stop doing the stuff that irks him. But no effort is being made on his part the other way. I also feel like I can’t raise it as last time he exploded at me and silently sulked for days. Walking on eggshells comes to mind.

So that’s where I am today. Currently watching an Easter film with the SD whilst BB naps.

Hope everyone else is well?


JS xx

Published by lifesippingaway

36 years old, wife, stay at home mum, outdoors lover, wild swimmer, starting the journey to an AF life

16 thoughts on “Day 263 – Still Standing

  1. Walking on eggshells is no fun. I got around this by just not doing it anymore. I’m clear in my mind when my behaviour is ok (or not) and anything else is the other person’s problem. Pleased to hear you’re still standing. My son has symptoms like your SD so we’re arranging a test. It’s stress-inducing, to say the least 😳

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So hard isnt it. Thankfully it’s just a cold, but would feel so responsible if I passed it on to someone else more vulnerable. I’ve decided I’m going to talk to him tonight and lay it out. And then every time hes a twat call him out on it xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi you lovely mum! First of all omgaawwwwwd that sweet little back of baby head pic! I miss that. But not the tantrums, haha.
    About the hubs – it’s so hard to feel that disconnect. But relationships are hard, living with someone else is hard. Annoyance is to be expected. Give each other some space, take a break from trying to fix it, just focus on your own stuff, hopefully it’ll work itself out.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds like you have a lot on. I think people are feeling really irritable right now. Pandemic fatigue maybe. I got home from work tonight, went in the bath and I just want to hide in my bedroom and be alone. Moping …. but no idea what about 😂. I’m sure things will sort themselves out but trying to change to please someone else and not being yourself is no way to function. That’s my opinion anyway. I agree with SVM .. some space and acceptance that you will annoy each other is probably required. Living with someone is very tough!! Sending hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my that pic is super adorable! I really do miss those days! You are such a good mommy! ❤️ Wow on your SD’s mom. She is very lucky to have you! My hubby and I get our first COVID vaccine shot tomorrow after work, glad your SD tested negative. ❤️ I hope your talk with hubby went as smooth as it can! I’m the kind of person that has to lay it out there. I figure after talking and letting my hubby know how I’m feeling he can’t use any excuse “he didn’t know.” Hope your not walking on egg shells soon! Sending you a big hug!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh that’s so great! 😃 With my hubby when we talk sometimes he doesn’t agree with me right away however I’ll notice in a couple days he’s doing things that are in agreement from our talk. Takes a bit for him to sit and think on it. Lol I’m lucky I’ve got a husband that after 30+ years will still listen to me when I take the time to talk to him. I know others that don’t and that’s got to be so hard! Hope you have a great weekend! I’m getting my first COVID shot today!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. i have to agree with that sweet little baby head pic..and i am not one to make such comments but …awww..I have 2 questions if u dont mind.—being from another country i guess- what is a national trust? and what is calpol?


    1. Calpol is kids paracetamol. And National trust is old houses/estates preserved by a company called the National Trust. A bit like Downton abbey. My friend from Canada became obsessed with visiting them when she came over. They’re beautiful and such an important part of our history

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ty so much..i was thinking that calpol was that..we call it tylenol/acetaminophen here and i had read about paracetamol somewhere before . But never heard of the National trust thing..that sounds awesome..i loved Downton Abbey!

        Liked by 1 person

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