It feels like it’s been an age since I’ve been on, yet at the same time life has passed by really fast.
We’ve been doing our normal day to day stuff, national trusting, walks, slides, stories and I’m still loving it. I can’t believe in less than 16 weeks this precious time will be over. My heart hurts thinking about it.
A few developments. It turns out my SD has been stirring the pot at her mums and making up stories. Apparently I’m pregnant, we’re moving to the country and getting a dog (I mean these are my deepest darkest dreams, but definitely not happening). We’ve also apparently told her, her mum is making us spend all our money on her so there’s nothing for Emma and that her mum has lots of money (this made me laugh as is true but we’ve never said it to her). On the other hand apparently we are really poor. I mean we’re not flush with cash, but we have a home, a warm bed, clothes and food in our fridge.
Her mum was surprisingly good natured about it, but it’s made me more conscious of what we discuss in front of her and how it could be stirred.
I survived my first proper drinking party on Saturday. The pressure and anxiety i felt was absolutely overwhelming. What made it worse was it was a gin party (my old favourite drink) and with people who are my husbands friends and were best friends with the ex wife.
Once I got there it was absolutely fine. I found being sober helped me remember their children’s names, ask thoughtful questions and generally not make a tit out of myself. I woke up in the morning with out a hangover (unlike the hubby), feeling proud and even more assured this is the right path for me.
Today I’ve been to a baby class and my old close friend was there. We fell out about 7 years ago. She was getting married, successful, beautiful home and I’d just left my partner, was sleeping on my mums couch with a drink problem. To be honest, I was jealous and I didnt behave as well as I could’ve. She could’ve behaved better also, but I definitely had a bigger part to play.
I felt awkward the whole way through the class and when we caught eyes I smiled (with a bloody mask on). She blanked me. I’m now at home on the couch and I’m mulling over whether to message her and apologise for all those years ago. I know she holds grudges and would tell everyone I had messaged. This would make me feel even worse. I’m not looking for a friend back so my husband is saying just leave it.
However, I could have handled myself better and been a more supportive friend on the lead up to her wedding. We havent spoken since her wedding day. No big fall out, just a parting of ways.
So that’s me today. I’m going to catch up on everyones blog posts. I hope you’re all ok.